Vail slope do’s and don’ts
December 16, 2003
Is it any different here than any other winter recreation area?
Well, yes it is. Mostly because of the affluence of the customers and their affinity toward high-tech toys and fashion. So, if you are coming to our Vally for the first time, or you are a repeat offender, you may learn something from these etiquette dos and donts.
Avoid the skier or boarder below you. At all costs. Never ski near someone who is likely listening to Eminem full blast on his or her mini-disc player. Not only can they not hear you, but listening to abusive rap and hip-hop also blinds the outdoor enthusiast.
Wear a personal stereo, especially if you are planning to listen to Eminem at full blast. Not only do you lose all sense of place; you also lose all meaningful contact with people you are skiing with. Skiing with someone wearing a stereo is akin to riding a bicycle built for two with the seats facing in opposite directions. Conflicts are bound to arise.
Alternate in lift lines that come together. Leave the road rage at home and wait your turn. The high-speed lifts will move you along just fine.
Wear neon. Not only are you a target for snowballs, you will be the subject of ridicule. Remember the axiom: |Friends dont let friends wear dayglo.2 Other things to avoid wearing: Fur, denim, shorts (bikinis are okay depending on your physique).
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Be nice to mountain personnel.
Pull out the cell phone on the gondola, ski lift or anywhere where someone might see (or hear) you. Trust us – you’ll look like a fool. Better to hide in the trees and make your real estate and stock transactions from the privacy of a quiet place.
Smile. Youre on vacation, right?
Show your ugly underneath by yelling at your wife, husband or offspring. This is no place to fight. This is a place for fun.
Ski out of bounds or on closed trails. You could lose your privileges or, worse yet, kill yourself or someone else in the ensuing avalanche.
Drink lots of water. The altitude can give you a serious headache, which you can’t kill by pounding Budweisers.
Drink a bottle of wine at lunch. Not only will your ability to ski or board be seriously hampered, you greatly increase your chances of stopping your ticker.
Tip your ski or snowboard instructor. Even though the price you paid for the lesson is enough to bail out a third world country, the instructor sees little of it. Be generous.
Ski or board over your head. Wouldn’t you rather look graceful? Also, you could get hurt.
Wear sunblock and sunglasses. Raccoon eyes and bloodshot whites dont go over well at Apres Ski. You’ll never score.