Vail Valley: Grandma knows best " it’s time for a bit of jest |

Vail Valley: Grandma knows best " it’s time for a bit of jest

Michael Kurz
Vail, CO, Colorado

“Spring is here and the bird is on the wing… ridiculous, the wing is on the bird.”

” Gertrude O’Brian

Gertrude O’Brian wasn’t a famous Irish poet, and she certainly wasn’t a comedienne. She was my quirky Irish grandmother. She swore she was “lace curtain” but my father confided she was assuredly “shanty” like the rest of her clan. She also claimed she was a direct descendant of Brian Boru, legendary emperor of the Irish, a claim made by most all native Irishmen and another colorful fabrication which I found out shortly after I repeated her boast to a Dubliner I knew.

What brings her to mind ” aside from St. Patrick’s Day being on the horizon and me seeing a shot or two of Jameson’s in my future? Well, she was funny and right now I think we all need to laugh some.

The gloom from the press, business analysts and political pundits is getting pretty thick and frankly, I’m bored with it. Crass and insensitive, you say? Maybe, but if I spent every minute of my day reading the predictions of ffinancial Armageddon, class warfare, impending food riots, depression with a small d, and the like, I guarantee you I’ll be depressed with a big “D.”

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So, here (courtesy of the Internet) are some one-liners Grandma Gertie would love. I hope they take your mind off whatever Nostradamus has predicted will befall us next.

– Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

– A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

– Be nice to your kids, they’ll choose your nursing home.

– Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

– For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Feel better?

Here’s a suggestion, if I may: Spend a few minutes of each day, preferably the ones you’d spend watching the network news or browsing the Web for the next world wide warning, on a joke Website. Yes, it’s trivial, totally un-educational and certainly an unproductive use of your precious time, but it will leave you with something hard to come by in other media; a smile.

That isn’t the armor you need to fend off the dour headlines of the day? Pish, I say. It worked for grandma when they were dealing with their economic woes in the 1920s. It worked for her when she watched her eldest son fly off to join the 8th Air Force in England in 1943. It also worked for her when she was trying to cope with her eight grandchildren.

When the cacophony from an octet of rowdy “savages” rose to ear-splitting levels she’d lay another layer of her famous Irish blarney on us, shouting, “Fight ye devils. God, how I hate peace.”

Now, that’s a long-enough break from reality, it’s back to serious business. Bummer. I miss you, grandma, especially at times like this.

Event update

– March 8, 5 ” 7 p.m., Ask the Experts: Current Issues Facing Employers, Vail Valley Partnership offices. Members only. RSVP to Ruthie Carlson, 970-477-4001.

– March18, 5 ” 7 p.m., monthly Business After Hours mixer at the Marketplace on Meadow Drive, Vail Village. Members only.

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