White rice and wild ideas
Vail CO, Colorado
If the world ends tomorrow in a huge, catastrophic annihilation that would wipe out grocery stores and gas stations everywhere, I’m ready. I, armed with my 20-pound bag of refined white rice, am prepared for the worst.
I never went in search of this 20-pound bag of refined white rice, mind you. It happened to just fall in my lap (actually, it mysteriously appeared in my kitchen one day). I stood there, staring at this incomprehensible amount of pure carbohydrates in its simplest form lie there on my counter like, well, a shapeless bag of white rice would lie there. “Now where in the world did you come from?” I asked the dull plastic bag. “Wal-Mart, the Devil Store of American Consumerism” it replied.
I furrowed my brow and took a step back, as if this monster bag of dried food had just insulted me. “What am I supposed to do with you?” I asked it. “Take it to the prom.” My roommate was apparently home and listening in on my conversation with inanimate objects. He explained to me how this colossal bag of simple food would feed us for at least a month if something dire were to happen to our grocery stores. He directly related an event of that nature to the resource wars America is currently involved in.
Honestly, he might not be too far off. You never know what kind of sticky situations our government gets us into these days.
Twenty pounds of white rice is a hell of a lot of rice. According to the nutrition facts, there are about 201 servings of rice in this package. Instead of taking it back to its mothership, we decided to initiate a sick sort of game. I call it the 20 Pound White Rice Challenge, and the aim, I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, is to see how long it takes us to consume every last grain. If three people eat one serving a day, then we should knock this baby out in little over a month. I just hope I don’t OD on refined white rice in the meantime.
Participate in The Longevity Project
Last night we feasted on Mexican burritos (that itself is an oxymoron ” burritos were invented by white guys), and peanut butter oatmeal cookies made with rice flour.
So far so good, but I have a feeling I’ll be running out of ideas fast. I’m sure the possibilities are endless, but my resources aren’t. I always lack one of two things: money and time. Now that I think about it, our newly acquired food staple is probably a very appropriate gift for many of my friends in a similar socioeconomic status (read: ski bum). I’ve got a few weddings to attend in a few weeks and months; this just might be the answer to avoiding buying the newlyweds a dish set or a crock-pot.
It would definitely be a memorable gift, and practical too. I’m all about practical gifts.
If you’re just bursting with good ideas, and I’m sure you are, then send some rice recipes to the editor. I’m sure they won’t mind!
Just tell them you’re doing your part to save Americans from total annihilation. It could be the truth.
Dana Jurich of Avon writes a biweekly column for the Daily. Send comments or questions to email@example.com.