Yep, just what we need |

Yep, just what we need

Matt Zalaznick

People clearly need more assault weapons. At least that’s what Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist thinks. So does that Texas exterminator turned congressman Tom Delay, who called the now defunct ban on the deadliest firearms known to man “feel-good legislation.” They think this despite the findings of the same sorts of polls the pair has used as gospel to constitutionalize homophobia and pulverize Iraq.On the assault weapons ban, Dr. Frist was quoted in The New York Times: “I think the will of the American people is consistent with letting it expire, so it will expire.” Despite the fact polls say two-thirds of Americans support banning these weapons, the practical uses of which stop at mowing down insurgents. But who knows when your local PTA members might be called upon to drive a militia out of a mosque or quell a Sunni uprising? Frist may be right – forget the polls. Forget what the American people think, particularly when they disagree with powerful lobbyists like the NRA, whose constituent gun manufacturers are probably in for a sales boost with the expiration of the assault weapons ban. Now there are more guns to be made – so maybe that means more jobs in weapons factories and more employed employees with more money to consume. Perhaps it’s really in our best interest – our next door neighbor’s battalion-sized arsenal will turn the economy around faster than job training or cheaper prescription drugs – and protect the block from dirty bombers, too. How brave Frist is to defy pesky public sentiment. Because polls at various times in American history would have found support for burning witches and owning slaves, along with opposition to a woman’s right to vote and a willingness to put Japanese Americans in concentration camps. American cannot oppress those who would stock up enough firepower to keep the FBI out of their sovereign compounds. The founding fathers clearly had David Koresh’s heavily-armed defenders of the Constitution when they bestowed the right to bear single-shot muskets upon American history. Benjamin Franklin had surely envisioned the invention of the streetsweeper.The doctor from Tennessee who opposes abortion and stem cell research is actually quite visionary. For those short-sighted surveys say gay marriage is wrong!Thank heavens Frist and Delay know the American people are sadly laboring under the liberal misperception that machine guns massacre people. These congressmen know things like violent video games and news footage of people dying in wars and Arnold Schwarzenegger shoot-’em-up movies kill people. Those two can see beyond W.’s dreaded “filter” of bullet-spraying bank robbers outgunning Los Angeles police officers and the media’s hysterical coverage of high school bloodbaths. It’s really Janet Jackson’s exposed breast and Eminem CDs that are shredding America’s moral fiber and gunning down American cops trying to take assault weapons out of the hands of evildoers. City Editor Matt Zalaznick can be reached at 949-0555, ext. 606, or

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