Z Blog – A nine-to-five sentence for Enron
Aside from 100 years in prison, I have a good idea for punishing Enron’s executive frauds, Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling.
Force them, for the rest of their natural lives, to work 40 hours a week at Wal-Mart. Not that Wal-Mart is so terrible, but this pair deserve to go to work like so many of the rest of us ” for minimum wage and really skimpy benefits.
Target might just be too good for these two.
And put them to work under a really cranky supervisor ” the kind who hates his or her job and takes it out on the underlings. The kind of boss who freaks out if workers are two minutes late coming back from a lunch break. The kind of boss who’s convinced everyone else on the planet is completely incompetent.
We’ll let the pair stay in Houston, but only because it’s supposed to have some of the worst traffic congestion in the country. Lay and Skilling will have to live at least 25 miles from the Wal-Mart at which they work, and will have to commute. They’ll have to work the day shift so they can experience the worst of rush-hour traffic.
And no, they can’t drive in together so they can use the carpool lane. We’ll also take the air-conditioners out of their cars, which will be used Ford Focuses.
Ken Lay’s 18 vacation homes will not be seized by the feds, nor can he sell them. They will be donated to the Enron employees who lost their jobs and retirement funds when the company tanked. Lay also will be responsible for taking reservations from employees who want to use his former hideaways and for maintaining the booking schedule, so nobody’s vacations overlap.
As for their own housing needs, Lay and Skilling will be sentenced to live in some run-down apartment building. Not quite a tenement, but living next door to Mr. Lay ” on the other side of paper-thin walls ” will be an extended family of, say, 22 who party all-night long. On the other side of Mr. Lay: Nymphomaniacs.
After a few months at Wal-Mart, Lay and Skilling will come to realize their minimum wage jobs won’t even pay the rent on their dumpy apartments. So they’ll have to get second jobs. How about the graveyard shift at the 7-11 down the street ” that way they still have to commute to the Wal-Mart.