Armijo: Finding love is simple |

Armijo: Finding love is simple

Love is in the air for many people this month, but unfortunately not for everyone. Those who have yet to find love (if they want to find it) often wonder why they have not found love or why love has not found them. There is really a simple explanation for this … self-sabotage.

Those who are looking for love typically have great intentions but sabotage themselves with negative thinking due to their lack of self-confidence. I hear some people complain about not being able to find the right person or they complain that all the good ones are taken. They also speak of being destined to be alone. These are all negative associations with the very thing they are striving to get. The longer someone is alone, the more this type of thinking expresses itself, until they just give up.

All of the things that we currently have or do not have in our lives are the product of our thoughts. Our thoughts are things. If our thoughts are things and we are feeding them negative messages about love, romance, and relationships … then we should not be surprised when we receive all these negative messages. They come back in the form of bad relationships or the lack of relationships.

Another reason relationships may not be showing themselves is because of mindset, specifically our confidence or lack thereof. If we have a negative view of relationships and items surrounding relationships, we typically have a mindset that coincides with these viewpoints. Our mindset is usually set to a negative vibration which is reflected in a lack of self-confidence.

A person who lacks self-confidence may manifest a personality that is avoidant or abrasive towards others. A lack of self-confidence may cause a person to isolate themselves due to their unhappiness, or they may appear withdrawn and awkward. A lack of self-confidence can stem from childhood trauma, difficult past breakups, or years of perceived failure in relationships. Conversely, a positive self-image is key to attracting and nurturing a healthy relationship.

Support Local Journalism

The first place to start when attracting a new relationship is to identify what is holding you back from achieving the relationship you desire. Is it your way of thinking that is holding you back? Is your self-confidence to blame? It may be a combination of both.

I remember when I realized my lack of self-confidence was responsible for a lot of negative results in my life. I used negative talk to justify my situation while simultaneously reinforcing all the things I didn’t want. This is more normal than people might think.

It is imperative to address your self-confidence, which is typically the basis of most of our challenges in life. An easy way to test out the strength of your self-confidence is to look into the mirror while telling yourself positive things such as “I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am worthy of love, etc.” I would suggest doing this for at least one minute in the beginning and work up to five minutes. Make it a daily mantra that repeats in your mind like an infectious song on the radio. This will feel awkward to anyone at first, but if you’re lacking in the self-confidence department it will be darn near impossible to get through on your first try.

Once you get comfortable with yourself and your confidence, check your self-talk. Are you speaking negatively about yourself or the world around you? Are you buying into messages from outside entities such as magazines, nightly news, or relationship dramas? Are you surrounded by others who are constantly complaining about their lack of success in the relationship department? These negative messages are being unwittingly absorbed by our subconscious mind and only serve to hinder our chances of finding happiness and love.

Begin to replace your negative thought patterns with self-serving thought patterns. Use affirmations to reprogram the subconscious mind. Meditate at least 10 minutes a day to allow your negative thoughts to be cleared and allow the new, positive thoughts to take their place. Engage in visualization to create your perfect relationship and see everything down to the last detail of your perfect relationship.

The most important thing to do when attracting your perfect relationship is to show gratitude that your desired relationship is on its way. Gratitude allows us the feeling of already having something we want and tricks our subconscious mind into believing we already have it. As I stated in a previous article, our subconscious mind cannot decipher the truth from fiction. Our subconscious mind is the part of us responsible for bringing our thoughts into reality. This means you must be sure the messages you are feeding it are only messages of what you really want to see in your life.

The last thing to do is to have fun with the process and let go of the need to control it or see results. If something we want does not appear when we expect it to, it may cause us to lose faith and continue to see it not appear in our lives just so we can tell ourselves, “I told you so.” Stop waiting for it to show itself and instead replace the thought with the faith that it is coming. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom and indulge in all the things you love to do. Most people find love when they least expect it.

Support Local Journalism