Armijo: Stop playing the blame game
Blame is a funny thing. It seems so necessary when others wrong us or things do not work out in our intended manner. Blame makes it easy to justify all of our problems by shifting responsibility to someone or something else. However, many of us fail to realize how detrimental blame really is to our overall well-being.
I hear people lay blame on things all of the time. In fact, I used to be one of those people. It was a convenient way to prove to others why I wasn’t earning the amount of money I wanted by placing blame on the low-paying jobs in our area. I would use the excuse that my body was too damaged from years of martial arts to get back into ideal physical shape. Whatever the situation was, rest assured, I was ready with an excuse to place blame. I had no idea how much I was hurting myself in return.
Unfortunately, I see many other people playing the blame game and hurting themselves in the process just like I was. There is definitely no shortage of persons or instances in which to place blame. In fact, the American media machine makes it easy to place blame any time you see fit. It practically makes it a “Choose Your Own Adventure” story about what you would most like to blame.
When we turn on the nightly news (don’t do that by the way) we get to experience the doom and gloom that currently surrounds us on a daily basis. There are all sorts of things to apply blame, such as a recession coming, which is why my business is already declining. The millennials aren’t buying houses, or cars, or going skiing, so they are killing our economy. The Democrats did this or the Republicans did that. If we just stopped listening to the noise, we would realize none of these things are to blame for our situation … we are.
Some people out there will still be adamant that there is someone or something to blame. I used to believe the same thing, but this is simply not true. If a business deal went south, there were probably some red flags you ignored. If your significant other left you for someone else, there was something you were not keeping up on your end of the relationship. If you still cannot fit into your favorite pair of pants, it is most likely to do with your eating choices or lack of physical fitness.
Once we can accept we are the only ones to blame for our current situation, we can begin to take steps to correct it. We will stop buying into the generic excuses such as I was born “big-boned” or only certain people can get rich, or my favorite …“it takes money to make money.” These are all excuses used to place blame on outside factors.
When we start to take responsibility for our actions we can begin to change our situation to one that is more favorable to us. Quantum physics tells us we are the creators of our own universe. Our thoughts are measurable energy which in turn creates the things we see around us. This means our current situation, whether good or bad, is of our creation. Yes, there are some extenuating circumstances, but we will not be delving into those in this article.
Blame is akin to having the old ball-and-chain attached to us. When we place blame on factors outside of ourselves, we give the thing we placed blame on power over us. We do not typically like to be controlled by others, yet we do just that when we place blame on them. The key to taking back control is to accept the fault for our own mistakes, our current situation and stop blaming others.
The old way of thinking, in business especially, was to never accept fault or blame because it was seen as a weakness. Today the younger generations see accepting blame as a sign of good character and strength. Those leaders who can accept blame, display a degree of humility and are much easier to identify with than those who deny and pass the buck. The upcoming generations are much more ingrained in humanity. They understand that humans make mistakes and are much more forgiving toward those that can admit the errors of their ways.
By not casting blame, we allow ourselves the ability to take control of our lives. Although it is uncomfortable, it is also empowering to accept fault for our mistakes. It takes courage and self-confidence to know and admit when we have messed up.
Have you been guilty of blaming others for your current situation? If so, take a good hard look at what or on whom you have placed blame. Be as critical with your thinking as you can and try and determine how much responsibility you may have for those situations in which you placed blame on others. I am certain you will find that you have played at least a small role in those situations in which you could and should accept some, if not all, responsibility.
Be sure you don’t put too much emotion into past events that cannot be changed. Start accepting responsibility for what you have and do not have in your life. If you are not fully satisfied in your life, begin to take control and make the required changes to create the life you want and know that nobody but you has control over it.
Chad Armijo lives in Edwards and is the founder of www.chadarmijocoaching.com and creator of the Mind Muscle Mastery program. He holds two masters degrees from Colorado State University in Business Management and Adult Teaching. In addition, he is a Master Certified NLP Life/Business Success Coach and Certified Ericksonian Hypnotherapist as well as a Pilates instructor. Find him on Facebook (@lifecoachingvail) or Instagram (@carmijo12).