Carnes: A list of 25 handy excuses for Trump backers (column)
Back in 1973, the late, great Washington Post syndicated columnist Art Buchwald wrote a column covering the “difficult times for people who are defending the Nixon administration.”
It was called “Handy excuses for Nixon backers” and appears to be even more relevant today, as one merely has to replace a few words here and there for it to make perfect sense for those with open eyes and logical minds.
Here is my personal updated version:
These are difficult times for Americans attempting to defend the President Donald Trump administration. No matter where they go, socialist liberals, Barack Obama and Clinton lovers, homosexual constitutionalists and paranoid Michael Cohen believers attack them.
As a public service to Vail Daily readers, I am listing 25 handy-dandy instant responses for loyal Trumpettes when they are attacked in public or, worse, on social media.
Whether the attack involves Trump associates already convicted (Manafort, Cohen, Flynn, Gates, Papadopoulos), his multiple alleged infidelities and their accompanied payoffs, his apparent inability to be truthful to the American people on a daily basis or dozens of other questionable tactics, the following should come in handy for witty retorts to quickly shut down your opponent.
Please feel free to have these readily accessible on your smartphone or to use as wrapping next time you take a gift to an anti-Trump’s birthday or house-warming party, provided you’re still invited, of course.
1. Everyone does it.
2. What about Hillary’s emails?
3. A president can’t keep track of everything his staff does (if they giggle at this, then pretend you were talking to someone else).
4. The lamestream media is blowing this whole thing up.
5. Whatever Trump does is to Make America Great Again! (This should be shouted or written in CAPS.)
6. The Democrats are sore because they lost the election. (They never get tired of hearing it.)
7. Are you going to believe a rat like Michael Cohen or the Potus?
8. Wait till all the facts come out.
9. What about Benghazi?
10. If you impeach Trump, then you get Pence. (This will cause a brief mind-burp in your adversary.)
11. The only thing wrong with the infamous Trump Tower Russian meeting was the mild confusion over the original intent. (Do NOT mention adoptions.)
12. This happens in European politics all the time.
13. People would be against Trump no matter what he did.
14. I’d rather have a crook in the White House than a liberal.
15. What’s the big deal about finding out what your opposition is up to?
16. Trump has been too busy running the country to know every little thing that’s going on in his administration.
17. Obama did a lot worse things.
18. So Trump made a mistake. He’s only human.
19. I’m sick and tired of hearing about Mueller and so is everybody else.
20. I don’t know anyone who actually cares about his tax returns.
21. When Trump gives his explanation of what really happened, there will be a lot people with egg on their faces.
22. What about Benghazi emails?
23. It’s called flipping and should probably be illegal.
24. She’s a porn star for Christ’s sake.
25. Why would you believe anything in the National Enquirer?
Next week: Handy excuses for Trump haters.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.