Carnes: A list of 25 handy excuses for Trump haters (column)
September 3, 2018
After the overwhelming response to last week's "Handy excuses for Trump backers" loosely based on Art Buchwald's 1973 column about the Richard Nixon administration, I felt obligated to create a similar list for those on the opposite side of the political spectrum:
These are difficult times for Americans attempting to upset President Donald Trump's administration. No matter where they go, they are attacked by race-baiting conservatives, Hannity and Fox News lovers, heterosexual constitutionalists and paranoid (insert deity of choice) believers.
As a public service to Vail Daily readers, I am listing 25 handy-dandy instant responses for NeverTrumpers when they are attacked in public or, worse, on social media.
Whether the attack involves Clinton associates already convicted (Jim Guy Tucker, Jim and Susan McDougal, to name a few), the complete lack of Obama associates convicted or those hell-bent on supporting policies that affect themselves negatively, the following should come in handy for witty (some might even say sarcastic) retorts to quickly shut down your opponent.
Please feel free to have these readily accessible on your smartphone or to use as wrapping next time you take a gift to a Trumpette's birthday or house-warming party, provided you're still invited, of course.
1. We're only doing what you did to Obama for eight years.
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2. Hillary lost, we're over it, so why aren't you?
3. How's that Obamacare repeal and replace workin' out for ya?
4. There's still a "vast right-wing conspiracy," you just don't hear about it as often because — repeat after me — Hillary is history.
5. I suppose now that you're back to using Cheney's "deficits don't matter" mantra, inflation doesn't matter either. (An extreme eye-roll will help get this point across.)
6. The Blue Wave is gonna getcha! (This should be shouted or written in caps.)
7. Shout "John McCain! John McCain! John McCain!" until your adversary's head explodes.
8. At least George W. Bush brought a respectable level of decency to the job.
9. How's that Mexican-funded wall workin' out for ya?
10. We'll be happy to deal with Pence.
11. Shout "Russia! Russia! Russia!" until your adversary's head explodes.
12. Yes, I feel so much safer now that North Korea has replaced all of their nuke tips with daffodils (be sure to smirk).
13. You people would be for Trump even if he stood in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shot somebody (as long as the somebody was a popular liberal).
14. I'd rather have a liberal in the White House than a con man.
15. Sure, it's OK to find out what your opposition is up to, but with the assistance of a foreign government … not so much.
16. Yes, yes, one out of every four days at one of his golf clubs is not extreme at all … (Repeat the eye-roll, if needed.)
17. He wastes all his time tweeting attacks on his critics, and besides, MSNBC is also fair and balanced. (Ignore their admittedly deserved turn with an eye-roll.)
18. How's all that winning workin' out for ya?
19. I'm sick and tired of hearing about Hillary and Obama, and so is everybody else.
20. Hmmm, it appears we're still in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq and ISIS is still murdering innocent people — what do you think that's all about?
21. The only swamp draining has been with people Trump himself hired.
22. How's that new coal job workin' out for ya?
23. "Flipping" merely means their conscience has won a battle.
24. At least none of ours have been caught with porn stars. (Please check Google before using this one.)
25. Why would you believe anything from the Huffington Post?
Next week: There are plenty of good excuses on both sides.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.