Carnes: A pandemic Christmas poem |

Carnes: A pandemic Christmas poem

‘Tis three days before Christmas
And all through the valley of Happy,
Gifts could be mighty slim
Lest one has a Sugar Daddy.

Welcome to those
Enjoying a holiday ski vacation,
Just make sure you don’t forget
To keep confirming that precious ski reservation.

While on the mountains we ski
All must wear masks,
Might be a tad easier though
If one has a flask.

We’ve spent most of the year
Dealing with COVID-19,
Locked tight with each other
Under semi-forced quarantine.

Some are naively convinced
It’s just a worldwide smoke screen,
And flat out refuse to partake
In the life-protecting vaccine.

Yet no arguments from me
Concerning the lack of social distance,
But this crap won’t end until we all
Follow the path of least resistance.

We bow our heads in sadness
And feel like throwing in the towel,
After losing wonderful people
Like Bob Lazier and Rod Powell.

On the positive side though
We’re finally over the hump,
From 24/7 reminders
Of the debacle called Trump.

No more family fascism
Full of creepy nepotism,
Or fears of nihilism
From the ultimate purveyor of narcissism.

And no more tweets
Providing daily concussions
Or constant platitudes
To that one damned Russian.

No more tweets of defamation
And multiple false allegations,
As we watch the ImPotus abdication
With a new inauguration.

Only a few weeks away
We can welcome Joe Biden,
Returning to a White House
We again can have pride in.

And locally we return
To an outdoor life of sports,
Thanks to grooming and debatable tactics
From our own Vail Resorts.

The magic also returned
For our very own Cinderella,
Again standing atop the podium
The one and only Michaela.

On a personal note
Though I made a lot of whiny racket,
An amazing man saved my shoulder
The incomparable Dr. Hackett.

And the snow is finally falling
In big blankets of fluff,
And we’ll never ever, ever
Get enough of the stuff.

Christmas in Vail
Is there no finer place,
To escape the real world
With snow in your face?

It’s the one time of year
We’re all nice to each other,
Sharing food and drink
With politeness we smother.

The world’s still a mess
Full of virus and trouble,
But hopefully we’re safe
In our Rocky Mountain bubble.

Yes, we love the mountains
Pines covered with snow,
No amount of negative news
Can ruin our festive glow.

Town trees are wrapped
In a tax-funded glow,
To celebrate the spirit
Of Holidays and snow.

But our restaurants and bars
Are strangled by the audacity,
From government enforced
Twenty-five percent capacity.

You can still show support
Ordering takeout from home,
While anticipating a visit
From the fat overgrown gnome.

And regardless of a pandemic
We don’t really need a reason,
To celebrate with family and friends
For the entire holiday season.

And be careful with legal weed and booze
But even if you end up in jail,
Remember there’s still no better Christmas
Than one held in Vail!

But if you’re still stressed
Have a Colorado brownie,
And relish in the fact
At least we’re not Summit County.

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