Carnes: Being better is not that difficult |

Carnes: Being better is not that difficult

I am a better man than Donald Trump.

Wait, gender should not have any bearing on such an all-encompassing statement. 

I am a better person than Donald Trump.

There, that makes more sense.

A loyal reader recently pointed out my apparently increasing use of name-calling when it comes to political figures, especially those fiercely loyal to Trump.

In referencing those with salivating grins of religious fervor each time Dear Leader repeats a childish nickname of a presumed foe, I simply shortened it to “drooling cult followers.”

Saying more with less makes Mr. Editor happy (to a point).

I admit using the verb “drooling” as an adjective was a tad childish on my part, and although there is indeed a shouting spittlefest with ever-increasing intensity at his rallies reminiscent of a Southern Baptist “snake-handling for Jesus!” event, the reader was correct.

I should not lower myself to the standards of those which I critique.

But that alone certainly does not make me a better person than Trump.

Not by a long shot.

In over 20 years of being on this very page every Tuesday, I have never once insisted a complete lie was the absolute truth, and then repeated it obsessively in spite of it being thoroughly debunked.

I have never declared war on those who dare to critique me in the paper or send me nasty emails (usually concerning my mother or the anatomical placement of my head).

I have never sent 140 tweets in a single day, numerous tweets attacking a teenager for being critical of me nor tweeted a picture of my head on Rocky Balboa’s body and talked about what a great chest I have.

I have never been forced to pay $2 million because I admitted to misusing charity funds to purchase a portrait of myself to hang in one of my houses.

Neither have my three children ever been forced to agree to undergo mandatory training so they do not fraudulently misuse charity funds in the future.

I have never called someone my “African American friend,” eaten a taco bowl on camera to prove I love Hispanics nor made fun of the handicapped.

I have never cheated on either of my spouses (the first one did cheat on me, however, hence the divorce …), never promised to balance my household budget and pay off our family debt while at the same time spending 20% more than we make or promised to build a wall that my neighbor would gladly pay for.

I have never been sued, arrested or accused of sexual assault, and none of my lawyers are in jail.

Hence, I have never prevented a witness from testifying or allowed documents to be shown if said witness and documents would exonerate me.

I have never made grandiose promises I knew I could never keep, repeatedly filed bankruptcy leaving thousands of creditors high and dry or created CarnesCare as a promise to make Happy Valley affordable housing affordable for all.

Although I’ve wanted to a few times, I have never denied knowing someone I’ve been with multiple times, never referred to traumatic brain injuries as “headaches” or pretended to believe in magical beings so people would like me.

So, yeah, in oh so many ways I am indeed a better person than Donald J. Trump, yet that doesn’t make me anything special.

Because the same applies to every single one of you reading these words.

Except those of the gullible, snowflake sycophant Trumpette variety, of course.

Oops …

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