Carnes: File 13 for Colorado ballots?
Tuesday night’s debate will tell us a great deal about what to expect on Nov. 3, but I question if it will tell us anything we don’t already know.
The debate will not serve to change anyone’s mind of course, as those watching are only doing so to reinforce their already entrenched ideologies and built-in desires to see the other side make mistakes live on camera.
It’ll be like watching the Super Bowl, not to watch your team win, but to watch Tom Brady lose.
Yeah, sort of like that.
But don’t think for half a second that there will be one candidate from each side of the major political coin on the stage.
Nope, there’s a third side to that coin, only it exists in another dimension, the kind normally relegated to the creepy fringe elements of society, and that candidate is fiercely loyal to the one and only Trumplican Party.
A party into and of itself, its leader is the only actual party member, as everything is “all him, all the time.” The members of his cult, known as Trumpettes, follow him blindly, never daring to question his motives or methodologies for fear of the latest QAnon baseless conspiracy theory concerning blood sacrifices, satanic pedophiles and pizza.
He declares, “The ballots are a disaster. Get rid of the ballots…” in a never-ending attempt to delegitimize mail-in and provisional ballots and any other votes not tallied by the end of election day, culminating in only two possible outcomes — either he wins or the entire election was rigged, thus it must be decided by the Supreme Court, where he just appointed another judge from the supernatural-believing magical being crowd to help ensure his win.
Yes-yes, Allah (Shiva, Yahweh, Zeus, take-your-pick…) has already decided and, besides, only weak leaders actually count ballots.
So where do we stand as Colorado mail-in-ballot-only voters?
We’re screwed, to be perfectly honest, regardless of party affiliation, as this desperate attempt to stay in power could make every one of our votes count as much as a 2019-20 Epic Pass credit.
If it takes a few days or even weeks after the election for all ballots to be counted, you can bet your new and improved 2020-21 Epic Ski Pass that all the little Trumpettes will be shouting to the world that Dear Leader should already be declared the legal winner, thus allowing his dictatorship and authoritarian ways to continue unabated.
For the record, there are plenty of other candidates and issues on the Colorado ballot, so don’t be an idiot and toss it out of false concern that it will not be counted toward statewide and local issues.
In the meantime, prepare for the debates by keeping a scorecard for every time ImPotus says words like “amazing” and “tremendous” along with phrases such as ‘the best in history” and “a lot of people are saying…”
You can even make it a drinking game, but be sure to watch at home and not the bar, as you probably shouldn’t be driving after the first 10 minutes or so.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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