Carnes: First 50 days of Q-time
Lights are lights, and during quarantine in Happy Valley some are high and some are low, with lows currently winning the battle during our personal first 50 days.
During our weekly Wal-Mart and City Market shop-a-thon last week, I finally noticed the one-way signs on the floor at the beginning of a few aisles.
Why it’s either all or none escapes me.
Playing by the directional rules, I realized I had forgotten to pick up Cap’n Crunch (with crunchberries!) after strolling down the entire length of the aisle, so did a 180 and headed back and was immediately confronted with a “tsk-tsk” followed by a heavy sigh and eye-roll reminiscent of my sixth-grade teacher when I was caught passing a note to Kathleen Jones (first REAL crush).
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Good grief, at least I was wearing a mask — am I really expected to do a loop around the next aisle to get back to the beginning?
Next time I’ll just stumble backward and hope I don’t bump into anyone.
Speaking of masks, if you think wearing one is simply putting a petri dish on your face — don’t wear one — but at least show a little respect by not ridiculing those who do.
If you think wearing a mask is a method to help prevent contracting the virus or spreading it to others — do wear one — but at least show a little respect by not ridiculing those who don’t.
It’s obvious neither side will ever win the argument.
And if you try to enter a place of business that requires a mask, don’t whine like a 7-year-old because your perceived constitutional freedoms are being infringed upon. Pretend to be an adult and go whine to mommy at home.
I recently discovered “frozen Oreo’s” for dessert, and can’t believe it took 60 years to learn such a deliciously satisfying trick.
Each night, right after saying all of the correct words to my bride (“I love you … sleep well … let me know if you’re in the mood …”), I ask, “What’re you up to tomorrow?”
I should probably stop doing that.
While putting on a pair of jeans for our exciting trip to the store, I asked her how long I’d been wearing the same pair.
“Almost a month,” she said with an eerily similar eye roll.
But I figured once a week or so for three or four weeks translated to only three or four times in the same jeans, so what’s the big deal?
“Guys are weird,” was all she could come up with.
After more than three decades living somewhere along the valley floor, from West Vail to Edwards, the last three years have been up near the top of Wildridge. And now, for the second time in those three years, the town of Avon’s “Salute to the USA” fireworks show is being canceled.
Was it something I said?
The whole “Tiger King” fiasco is sooooo early quarantine, but the third season of “Ozark” topped my chart for April.
It’s still entertaining to follow the locals that persist on drowning in conspiratorial seas 24/7, insisting that every situation, no matter how benign or malignant, is somehow politically motivated by either the extreme left or extreme right.
I hope they know they have my pity, whether wanted or not (cue the usual suspects screaming in CAPS on the Vail Daily website).
Either way, it was interesting to learn last week that the whole MAGA mantra was sarcasm (who knew?), but I still can’t wait to see how the next 50 days play out.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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