Carnes: From insurrections to multiple injections |

Carnes: From insurrections to multiple injections

2021 began with such promise, as even a mild apocalypse could beat 2020.

Or so we thought.

In January, the lunatic fringe on the right (known to some as the Trumpettes) waved Confederate flags while smearing poop in the U.S. Capitol and hanging nooses in the name of symbolism to demand professional athletes stop taking a knee.

There were probably other reasons, but that’s all I could glean.

President Joe Biden was sworn in to replace an insecure grifter and has yet to promise a new and improved health care for the American people.

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Perhaps his plate is not so full of platitudes.

Social media was ablaze with photos of Gondola One lift lines snaking their way down Bridge Street, meme stocks became a thing for a select few to make millions off the non-selective masses and locals proudly packing heat while shopping for milk in City Market continued to mispronounce “muh’ freedums” when refusing to wear a mask.

Luckily for us, by March the ski mountains had stayed open throughout the entire winter this time, COVID-19 vaccines were made available to all those wishing for the virus to go away, and the town of Vail allowed outside bars and seating at the top of Bridge Street.

Gov. Jared Polis unfortunately nixed the outside bars, but he’s still hawking vaccines.

By the end of March, we had a 21-year-old religious white supremacist murder 22 people at a Walmart in El Paso, a 21-year-old religious sex addict murder eight in Atlanta and an antisocial 21-year-old religious gunman murder 10 in a Boulder grocery store.

Reputation for the number 21 was quickly tanking.

Early summer showed the local rental pool to be shallower than ever, although prices hovered around $1,200 per bedroom — yet with all these potential worker bees we had more job openings than ever.

In June, a gaggle of homophobes complained about the town of Avon having the audacity to fly an LGBTQ flag to promote Pride in the Park.

Midsummer was so hot I finally installed AC for the first time in 37 years, mud took out multiple units along Nottingham Road, along with a few down by the lake, and we sadly lost Dave Gorsuch and Michael Cacioppo.

The COVID-19-loving crowd chanted, “My body, my choice!” — insisting it was their American right to get a deadly virus and spread it to their family and friends because the government has no right to declare what they can or cannot do with their own body.

The same crowd then turned the other cheek and demanded the government declare what a woman could do — and not do — with her own body.

Bush started it, Obama said he would end it, Trump said he would end it, and, in August, Biden finally did when he pulled the last American troops out of Talibanistan.

While some insisted a few thousand more American deaths would eventually make it all worthwhile, most Americans disagreed when they couldn’t find the planet’s toilet seat of humanity on Google maps.

Early fall brought the 20-year anniversary of 9/11, a potential name change for the Gore Range and the Texas Teabilly Taliban determined Texas women could magically become pregnant without the participation of Texas men while also putting the fun back in bounty hunting.

One was revered in dignified silence, another dutifully ignored while the latter was referred to the previously mentioned COVID-19-loving crowd for ironic perspective.

In the fall, Vail Resorts made it official that no more reservations would be needed for skiing — but proof of vaccination would be required for eating — the Gore Range Brewery was sold and Bonfire Brewery shut down.

Cheers went up around the valley at first but quickly turned to jeers as reality sunk in.

A member of Congress claimed only communists vote to repair bridges and roads, another declared real men hate porn and video games, while yet another had her children pose with weapons to prove how much testosterone she carries in her purse.

December began dry and warm and is ending cold and snowy, just like we planned it — and yet we’re inundated with a TV commercial that appears to highlight a talking butt. I have no idea what the ad is selling as I fast forward through the moment it begins, but like 2021, some things just can’t be unseen.

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