Carnes: Ghouls of Halloween have nothing on real-life spooky swamp (column)
A tragedy occurs.
With tweets and verbal comments, President Donald Trump immediately makes it worse.
A surrogate attempts to explain away Trump’s words.
Trump doubles down and makes it even worse.
National focus is now on his tweets, not the tragedy.
Surrogate assures the nation what Trump actually meant.
Another tragedy occurs.
Wash — rinse — repeat.
Although this column is due on Sunday night, Oct. 29, I’m pretty sure on Monday, Oct. 30, announcement of indictments over the Russia probe has been met head-on by insecure, childish rants in the form of tweets.
Go ahead, take a look. I’m right, right?
A worrisome war with North Korea, alarming American deaths in Niger, a shocking stock market approaching a cliff, terrifying tax cuts that will explode our national debt, frightening opioid death numbers, an ecologically horrifying Environmental Protection Agency, billions of tax dollars wasted on a symbolic wall that will provide zero functionality and a spooky swamp overflowing with self-serving, spineless ghouls hell-bent on winning popularity contests instead of focusing on America’s future.
Who needs a pretend “holiday” (I bet you don’t have today off) honoring fictional characters when we have our very own countrywide witch hunt for the soul of a nation?
Either way, tonight will see yuge numbers of Trump costumes. Big, unbelievable numbers; the best numbers. I wonder how many will be grabbing a cat as they go from door to door.
Following the trend, only Happy Valley kids whose parents have at least a seven-figure net worth will receive candy, all others will receive lottery tickets to see which families qualify for a mere 20 percent increase in TrumpCare premiums.
If half a dozen kids dressed in NFL uniforms take a knee when you open the door tonight, will you still give them candy?
I wonder which “Bill” mask will scare parents more; Cosby, Clinton or O’Reilly?
Probably the latter, since O’Reilly announced last week how mad he is at a god for not protecting him from the sexual misconduct allegations that cost him millions plus a career (notice he didn’t say which “god,” leaving the door wide open for even more speculation).
Will anyone, regardless of gender, open the door to a horrendous Harvey Weinstein or Roger Ailes mask?
If Steve Bannon wore a mask, then would anyone notice?
None of this really matters, I suppose, as it’s all fake media babble and stupid zombies craving Brians instead of brains.
But I do know that the chilling reality of our world today trumps anything creepy and gruesome folks can come up with Halloween.
Be safe, everyone.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.