Carnes: Happy Valley Clement Clarke Moore imposter |

Carnes: Happy Valley Clement Clarke Moore imposter

‘Tis a few days before Christmas
And through most of Happy Valley,
Cheers can still be heard
Over our early season snow tally.

Each year the world is a mess
Always seeming full of trouble,
Yet we’re consistently safe and warm
In our Rocky Mountain bubble.

Meanwhile that Florida hotel owner
Demanding we ignore the Constitution,
Repeatedly continues to prove
He belongs in a mental institution.

Far-right extremists
Keep babbling nonstop,
Desperately searching to find incrimination
On Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Fortunes are now lost
Causing all to tip-toe,
As they depressingly learn
The true value of Crypto.

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Billions simply disappeared
Leaving investors in a pickle,
As pretend digital currencies
Are not worth a wooden nickel.

And what truly can be said
About the hypocrite who bought Twitter,
Blocking those he dislikes
Like a thin-skinned bitter quitter.

Elon the absolutist shouts
“Free speech for me,”
Then the other side of his twisted mouth says
“But not for thee.”

And the Shakespearean “Twitter revelations” 
Were much ado about nothing,
As both sides of the aisle
Continue their political bluffing.

On the Georgia election front
They voted against potential empires,
Filled with nutcases and goofballs
Alongside werewolves and vampires.

And Arizonans steered clear
Of a two-faced desert snake,
By keeping their distance
From the one called Kari Lake.

It never rains in Qatar 
thus their obliviousness to rainbows,
And other homophobic tendencies
The world continues to expose.

And we never forget our friends
Who are celebrating Hanukkah,
In spite of Fuentes, Trump and Ye
Who make me wanna vomica.

But put aside this insanity
For there are so many reasons,
To ignore it for a bit
Cuz’ it’s the Holiday Season!

Happy Valley has aged well
Considering last week’s 60th anniversary,
Only a few minor areas
Are in need of (over-priced) plastic surgery.

And congrats as always
To the valley’s most driven,
As she continues to rule the ski world
Our very own Mikaela Shiffrin.

Our ski mountain is woke
No need to ski lonely,
For the new Pride Express Lift
Is not for LGBTQ only.

That was but a joke
To chuckle at Christmas,
Our entire valley’s open-minded
When it comes to doing business.

Christmas in Vail
Is there no finer place,
To relax from worries
With snow in your face?

Town trees are wrapped
In a tax-funded glow,
To celebrate the spirit
Of holidays and snow.

Presents surround trees
Some real, some fake,
As little ones count sheep
Failing to stay awake.

The kids are euphoric
Running in circles and laughing,
While merchants are worried
About holiday staffing.

So keep them in mind
When enjoying Christmas day,
For here in Happy Valley
Blue skies are never gray.

And though the world can be nasty
Full of evil and strife,
For us in the Vail Valley
It is indeed a Wonderful Life!

(Some will eat and drink
And make themselves sick,
But that is far better
Than this 23rd crappy Christmas poem … by Dick.)

Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at

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