Carnes: Hey, at least we live here
Every once in a while the stars stubbornly refuse to align, and we find ourselves questioning damn near everything around us.
Right now is one of those moments.
A 17-year-old takes an assault rifle to a protest, claiming he wished to perform emergency medical procedures if needed, but instead he murders two protesters and injures another. His judge won’t allow anyone to call the murdered protesters “victims” and makes ethnic jokes about lunch, and the far right applauds them both.
But hey, here in Happy Valley, our ski mountain just opened.
Big Bird is exposed as a commie by U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz for daring to promote vaccine safety to kids and (K)Aaron Rodgers forgot to “discount double-check” his brain before his mouth opened.
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But hey, our other ski mountain opens next week.
U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene claims only communists vote to repair bridges and roads, delusional followers threaten to murder said commies and U.S. Sen. Josh Hawley declares real men hate porn and video games. (For the record: Those who shout the loudest have the most the hide, thus all but guaranteeing a “surprise” announcement from the senator any day now.)
But, hey, we’re about to have World Cup ski races, Snow Days concerts and a local physicist just won an award for a 3D-printing process that could potentially print out new livers for people with alcoholism.
Though it caused me to throw up a little bit in my mouth just typing it, “our own Lauren Boebert” desperately tries to keep up with Greene by wearing a red dress decorated with an infantile slogan while waiting for JFK Jr. to return, and the Western Slope’s Cindy Ficklin tries to out-Palin both of them.
But hey, our Walmart is already playing Christmas music, and Mikaela Shiffrin is skiing better than ever.
On the same day he is indicted, Steve Bannon declares they “will be taking over all the elections,” and his former boss reaffirms his support for those wishing to hang former Vice President Pence while still focusing on grifting money from his flock and rewriting election history.
But hey, up here around 8,000 feet we’re focusing on weather reports and snow totals.
Local homes built over 40 years ago and valued under $1 million a year ago are under contract for double that amount, the Rivian IPO (an electric truck company) that has produced less than 500 vehicles is now worth more than the Ford Motor Company and gasflation, rentflation, carflation and even skiflation is flooding the nation with the highest prices in decades due to supply issues.
But hey, most construction is done for the winter, Battle Mountain Huskies soccer had yet another amazing season and their football team beat Aspen, Eagle and Steamboat, all at home.
China threatens to sink Australia if they even think about supporting Taiwan, and Colorado has one of the highest COVID spikes in the nation, and no one seems to understand either.
But hey, we no longer have to wear masks in lift lines, 99.9% of Americans don’t get to look at snow-covered peaks each day and we can pretty much ignore all the nasty crap going on elsewhere for the time being.
The mountain’s open, life could be worse.
Richard Carnes of Avon writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.