Carnes: It’s all in the history books, folks |

Carnes: It’s all in the history books, folks

We all learned the same facts in elementary school.

The airfields of the late 16th and early 17th century were tiny compared to the bigly behemoths of today, but when those English nuclear subs were caught taking a tea break in Yorktown harbor, our colonial paratroopers (supported by the mighty French aircraft carriers), were able to seize control of the British covfefe shipments, where they later discussed the oranges of the situation while dining on hamberders and discussing the pros and cons of night-vision goggles.

Without air superiority, the British were doomed.

The following assault on the InterContinental Airport sitting on the shores of the Delaware was difficult, to say the least, as the Continental Army lost many in the area affectionately known as “Claim de Baggage,” but were able to establish an impenetrable barrier thanks to the immovable security lines in Concord A (“Concourse” in modern English) and the tenacity of their spanking new Sherman tanks.

No patriotic American will ever forget Patrick Henry’s, “Give me an aisle seat or give me death!” or Paul Revere’s, “One if by land, two if by sea and three if by air!” and, of course, Thomas Jefferson’s famous air battles in the Sopwith Camel.

Besides, as we all know, one of the most influential bands of the late ’60s was indeed named after his numerous exploits (Jefferson Airplane).
Each an integral part of our steep American history, the early roots of our sacred tree of record, the chronology of our national narrative. (Source: Trump University)

But as entertaining as all this social media creativity is, please, enough already with this Ron Burgundy of presidential speeches.

It’s not how often the man makes these nonsensical statements.

It’s not how often he makes unprovable claims in spite of reality consistently proving otherwise.

I don’t care if the dog ate his homework, the teleprompter was wet or the teleprompter ate his homework, even pumping more oxygen to those big brain cells of the emperor would not change the fact that he is butt naked and the bootlickers around him don’t seem to notice or even care.

I don’t care how many people were or were not in attendance in Washington, D.C., on July 4.

I don’t care how many times he has criticized past presidents for using teleprompters when he himself makes embarrassing mistakes using one.
And I certainly don’t care about those who can never defend the man’s words or actions, instead choosing to always fall back upon some Obama, Hillary or party-based babble. 

This never-ending “I’m not always right but I’m never wrong” mantra is beyond the realm of entertainment anymore, and for most, it always has been. OK, I admit, I have personally been highly entertained many times over these past few years just about every time the man speaks, but that’s beside the point.

In my eyes, the dwindling cabal of Trumpettes who excuse and enable the man even when he is “ramming our ramparts” are a much bigger problem to our nation, as they are the ones preventing an actual Republican — one with integrity and the nation’s best interest in mind with each decision -—from having a chance in 2020.

And that’s something not even fake history can make entertaining.

Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at

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