Carnes: Merry Christkwanzahanukkamas! | VailDaily.com

Carnes: Merry Christkwanzahanukkamas!

‘Tis the day before Christmas
And from East Vail to Gypsum,
Local travelers are happy
Thanks to our amazing bus system.

The guests have arrived
Sleeping in overpriced beds,
While dreams of powder days
Dance in their heads.

Christmas in Vail
Is there no finer place,
To escape the real world
With snow in your face?

It’s the one time of year
We’re all nice to each other,
Sharing food and drink
With politeness we smother.

Sure, the world is a mess
And all seems in trouble,
But we’re safe and warm
In our Rocky Mountain bubble.

Though while questioning the value
Of freedom of speech,
A few still argue the details
Of how to impeach.

Some blame mythology’s Satan
While others trust a four-leaf clover,
But no matter how you look at it
Impeachment is over.

Our nation is split
Morals appear slippery,
Next year’s election
Has consequences bigly.

But enough about politics
For now’s not the time,
Yet 10-15 flushes
Is that really a crime?

Yes, we love the mountains
Pines covered with snow,
No amount of negative news
Can ruin our festive glow.

The days are spent
Riding carpets of groom,
While nights are enjoyed
By the light of the moon.

Town trees are all wrapped
In a tax-funded glow,
To celebrate the spirit
Of Holidaze and snow.

Presents surround trees
Some real, some fake,
As little ones count sheep
Failing to stay awake.

But not in East Vail
Where the sheep are in danger,
As our affordable housing issue
Just gets stranger and stranger.

Beaver Creek temperature signs
For years have been a staple,
Let’s keep our fingers crossed
They’re working by April.

While online shopping is sketchy
We struggle to avoid ripoffs,
Vail Resorts chooses now
To announce a third round of layoffs?

Soon the bars will be closed
And most will be home,
Anticipating a visit
From a fat overgrown gnome.

Receiving gifts can be great
(though each comes from Santa),
And all have more value
Than a duct-taped banana.

And regardless of dogmas
We don’t really need a reason,
To celebrate with family and friends
For the entire holiday season.

So for those not in tune
With all this religious business,
Cherish that you don’t have to believe in magic
To enjoy the magic of Christmas.

And something new for us this time
I’m sure it will be fun,
But the little one’s out in Utah
Our beautiful little grandson.

Yet in spite of all that 
Here in the Valley of Happy,
It is still the time of year
For twits like me to be sappy.

So read it and weep
Try your best not to get sick,
Even though you just read
Another crappy Christmas poem, by Dick.