Carnes: My great and unmatched wisdom! | VailDaily.com

Carnes: My great and unmatched wisdom!

I’m sorry, but what exactly are you referring to this time?

“Has Barack Obama been caught red-handed laundering money into his campaign from illegal online foreign donations?”

Oh, I get it, but that’s a tweet you sent back in October 2012. Besides being highly hypocritical toward your current impeachment issues, what does it have to do with the United States abandoning allies?

“It was a perfect call!”

Sure, I understand you truly believe that, but again, we’re talking about the issue involving Turkey and our ally the Kurds.

“I have a little conflict of interest, because I have a major, major building in Istanbul…It’s called Trump Towers. Two towers, instead of one. Not the usual one, it’s two. And I’ve gotten to know Turkey very well.”

Um … OK, I promise I understand the plural form of a noun means more than one, but come on, you must know I’m asking specifically about what many consider the ultimate sin in foreign diplomacy. You have now abandoned, in one form or another, South Korea, the European Union, NATO, Canada, Mexico, Ukraine, Afghanistan, etc., all in favor of our declared enemies like North Korea and Russia.

“If Turkey does anything that I, in my great and unmatched wisdom, consider to be off limits, I will totally destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey.”

You’ve already said that, although I fail to see the point of such a statement, not to mention your bizarre use of capital letters. But after helping us for years against ISIS, what is it you suddenly have against the Kurds?

“They didn’t help us with Normandy.”

Say what?

“Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.”

You’re going off-topic again. But listen, sir, with limited due respect, if you insist on another topic, how soon until you, like, really, kick Rudy Giuliani under the bus?

“You’d have to ask Rudy”

But these two Soviet-born, Florida-based businessmen, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman (I bet it’s pronounced Eye-Gor), were allegedly eating taco salads covered in Russian dressing with Rudy in your hotel just before they were arrested by the FBI for campaign finance fraud as they attempted to leave the country.

“Maybe they were clients of Rudy.”

What?

“Nobody loves the FBI more than me.”

OK, never mind. In my opinion, Giuliani should surrender his passport. The man’s already surrendered his dignity, and you’ll simply end up saying he was just the cofevfe boy and all the polls calling for your impeachment are fake news.

“Whoever their pollster is, they suck.”

Yeah, sure, what a surprise. Damn, man, you demand loyalty yet appear to be absolutely incapable of giving it. I don’t know who has been abandoned more, our allies or the American people? Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, but if this plot gets any thicker it’ll curdle. Come on, for once in your insecure narcissistic little life, be honest, how do you truly think all this nonsense will finally play out?

“This is the end of my Presidency. I’m f—ed.”

Wow, now that is truly refreshing, thanks. 

And on that note, I anxiously await how Hannity and the “Lock her up!” crowd are going to spin this one.

Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.