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Carnes: ‘Only liberal snowflakes wear masks’

This was a pleasant phrase I heard being muttered from an out-of-town guest last Saturday while shopping in Walmart (in the Froot Loops section of the cereal aisle, if you must know).

We happened to walk out to our respective vehicles at the same time, and being parked a few cars down from mine, I couldn’t help but notice their Texas license plate.

Representative of all current guests and second-home owners in town for the Fourth of July week?

Of course not, but certainly an example of the new political flashpoint debate over “protecting oneself and others” being a liberal-only myth.

Damn, why does every single thing have to be political?

Anyway, to all those visiting this week, whether you’re from Texas or Timbuktu, please understand we are no different from the rest of the world when it comes to dealing with Covid-19, only we’re doing it from a beautiful location around 8,000 feet (I have my thumb on my nose, waving my fingers in your general direction).

We don’t need you to prove what a freedom-loving patriot you are by gleefully spreading your patriot particles everywhere, as we already have our fair share of dolts who still insist Dr. Fauci is a shill for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and that Colin Kaepernick’s purpose for kneeling was to disrespect a flag.

We don’t need more of those who think airplanes leave chemical trails to control our minds and 99% of all governments and health care workers worldwide are part of a giant conspiracy to do the same while shouting “Tulsa was a success! You’re being misled by the lamestream media!”

Though a tiny minority, we already have more than enough kneeling at the altar of the toddler-in-chief (the one so busy stomping his feet and screaming about how he has it all under control) and being orgasmic when ImPotus says “Kung Flu” or drinks a glass of water with one hand while discussing the modern origin of the number 19.

Seriously, we have enough already.

Many of you had to take your shoes off before boarding the plane to get here, and although it annoyed the hell out of you (as it does me), you still complied in order to get from A to B. And I would bet a beer you wear a seat belt, not because someone told you to, but because it is common sense, just like you would never ski without gloves during a snowstorm or purposely cough on a pregnant woman.

And that’s what wearing masks around here is — common sense.

Sure, you’ll see a few yahoos refusing, but for most of us, that macho rebellious crap ended in high school.

Remember, you’re here for vacation, a getaway from the trials and tribulations of your everyday lives, not to have cultural debates over individualism vs. collectivism.

You are not here to teach us dumb mountain folk any more than we’re here to teach you dumb city folk, so save your debate over the effectiveness of wearing a mask for when you return home.

It probably won’t, but if that dust from the Sahara reaches Happy Valley this week, you gonna wear a mask, or proudly strut around coughing while constantly wiping the sand and grit off your teeth with your tongue?

Like I said, common sense.

And happy Fourth, especially to those from Texas.


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