Carnes: Searching for the oranges of nonsense | VailDaily.com

Carnes: Searching for the oranges of nonsense

“Have you made your donation to support Windmill Cancer Research?”

I was on the Pink Mile team for KKVM (The Mile @ 104.7) during Pink Vail, if that’s what you mean.

“No, I mean the specific type of cancer from bloviating hot air that invades cells and divides uncontrollably while having the ability to infiltrate and destroy normal body tissue.”

Um, OK. By “normal body tissue,” and considering the person you’re referring to as the source for this tidbit of fascinating non-medical info, I’m assuming you mean the orange of this cancer residing in the best brain in DC.

“Sure, I don’t know. He wasn’t very specific.”

What a surprise. And by windmill, do you mean wind turbine?

“What’s the difference?”

The same as between and wall and a fence.

“Hey, do you think we can build a wall to block the Mexican wind?”

That’s not how it works, but let me ask, do you use a fan at night?

“During the summer, sure, but during the winter I use a sound machine that makes ocean wavey-type sounds.”

And following your version of logic aren’t you afraid they are giving you cancer?

“What? Of course not, that doesn’t make any sense.”

So I can assume you understand that, other than being the toughest hole in putt-putt, WindGate” is nothing more than a bunch of hot air.

“No dude, what about the mounds of dead birds at the base of those things? The man said they’re a real issue, and surely he’s not lying about it.”

Then I would guess the birds are probably cleared away while the government is raking the forest floor.

“Dude! Listen, I think we should call for a complete and total shutdown of windmills existing in the United States — or wind turbines if you’re going to be a jerk about it — until our nation’s representatives can figure out what’s going on.”

No, I think you’ve said enough. You need to pull your head out and learn to comprehend the words you’re hearing from an insecure narcissistic megalomaniac.  

Wind and hydro turbines, along with solar panels, do not cause cancer, no matter how loud someone shouts they are. However, coal ash and benzene (in gasoline), most definitely do, along with what I am pretty sure is simply listening and believing damn near anything that man says.

“You mean to say that his words can actually cause cancer?”

They certainly make me want to puke every time I hear them.

“But why do the crowds still shout ‘Lock her up!’ and ‘Build the wall!’ and explode with violent glee every time he gives a perceived enemy a childish nickname?”

Tourettes?

“Now you’re just being cruel. What if a few of his educated fans agree about the possibility of windmills causing cancer?”

Perhaps those with a degree from Trump University would, but not any with degrees from actual accredited institutions of learning.

“I don’t understand people like you.”

And sadly, until you have a better grasp of reality, you probably never will.

Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.