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Carnes: Starting a war to stop a war?

The Roaring ’20s began with such optimistic promise, but then, dammit, Jan. 2 had to arrive and screw everything up.

I had just installed my favorite Christmas gift in years, a wonderful little device for the boob tube called a “DI-BUNK-TV.” A mouthful, for sure, but stands for “Device Instantaneously Blocking Unpleasant Noise Known as ‘Trump Voice.’”

Evidently, like most of the nation, even it can only take so much, as it kept blowing fuses every 10 minutes, so into the trash it went.

That afternoon the world finally started to accept the fact of an entire continent being on fire, with Australia battling the worst flames in modern history. Then the evening was topped off with Commandant Bone Spurs starting a war in order to stop a war from starting.

Huh?

It seems the evil Saruman and his racist rings have finally been brought to justice — or something like that.

Yet instead of fiction with a happy ending, this is reality with an odd mantra of “alternative facts” now evolving into “alternative patriotism.”  

In spite of what some are insisting, and though I’m sure they exist somewhere, I don’t know anyone actually defending Iran or Qasem Soleimani. No one is questioning whether the world is better off with his death. Our own Department of Defense says the man was an evil nutcase “actively developing plans to attack American diplomats and service members in Iraq and throughout the region,” which happens to be the same thing he has been doing since the 1980s.

But the world is full of evil nutcases, most hell-bent on forcing their particular version of one magical being or another in order to prove how peaceful their religion is.

Hey, maybe we can now go take out Kim Jong Un and Putin.

Oh, wait … 

Soleimani has already been replaced with the next evil nutcase in line to promote “Death to America,” promising to fight to the death or until we leave their country.

So how, exactly, does this death benefit America?

Who could possibly forget the memorable line that helped send more than 7,000 American soldiers to their death: “We’ll be greeted as liberators.”

Sure, and if we pray hard enough, Grandmother won’t die, Santa will bring us a pony, and Australia’s fires will disappear in a puff of koala smoke. But only, of course, if we pray to the correct deity.

America has its fair share of religious nuts, and these Christian fascists are convinced their version is the only “real” one, praising Trump when he shouts, “We have God on our side!”

Captain Bone Spurs doesn’t say which deity, though, so I guess he’s keeping his options open.

Look, the Middle East religious nuts have been shouting “Death to America” since I was in high school in the ’70s, and literally the only thing that’s changed is the name of their leaders and what the women are allowed to wear. And almost 20 years in, the war in Afghanistan has gone nowhere, with plenty of dead Americans and nothing to show for it. But sure — let’s keep beating our chests as we continue in our neverending quest to intervene in foreign affairs for our “strategic interests.”

Yet Mexico and China have indirectly killed thousands of Americans with their illegal drugs, but I don’t see any takedowns of “evildoers” in Beijing or Juarez.

We haven’t won a war since I was born, but we sure have started a bunch, so I wonder, when will one dead American be more than enough?

Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.

The Roaring ’20s began with such optimistic promise, but then, dammit, Jan. 2 had to arrive and screw everything up.

I had just installed my favorite Christmas gift in years, a wonderful little device for the boob tube called a “DI-BUNK-TV.” A mouthful, for sure, but stands for “Device Instantaneously Blocking Unpleasant Noise Known as ‘Trump Voice.’”

Evidently, like most of the nation, even it can only take so much, as it kept blowing fuses every 10 minutes, so into the trash it went.

That afternoon the world finally started to accept the fact of an entire continent being on fire, with Australia battling the worst flames in modern history. Then the evening was topped off with Commandant Born Spurs starting a war in order to stop a war from starting.

Huh?

It seems the evil Saruman and his racist rings have finally been brought to justice, or something like that.

Yet instead of fiction with a happy ending, this is reality with an odd mantra of “alternative facts” now evolving into “alternative patriotism.”  

In spite of what some are insisting, and though I’m sure they exist somewhere, I don’t know anyone actually defending Iran or Soleimani. No one is questioning whether or not the world is better off with his death. Our own Department of Defense says the man was an evil nutcase “actively developing plans to attack American diplomats and service members in Iraq and throughout the region.”

Which happens to be the same thing he has been doing since the 1980s.
But the world is full of evil nutcases, most hell-bent on forcing their particular version of one magical being or another in order to prove how peaceful their religion is.

Hey, maybe we can now go take out Kim Jong Un and Putin.

Oh, wait…

Soleimani has already been replaced with the next evil nutcase in line to promote “Death to America,” promising to fight to the death or until we leave their country.

So how, exactly, does this death benefit America?

Who could possibly forget the memorable line that helped send over 7,00 American soldiers to their death: “We’ll be greeted as liberators.”

Sure, and if we pray hard enough, Grandmother won’t die, Santa will bring us a pony and Australia’s fires will disappear in a puff of koala smoke. But only, of course, if we pray to the correct deity.

America has its fair share of religious nuts, and these Christian fascists are convinced their version is the only “real” one, praising Trump when he shouts, “We have God on our side!”

Captain Bone Spurs doesn’t say which deity, though, so I guess he’s keeping his options open.

Look, the Middle East religious nuts have been shouting “Death to America” since I was in high school in the ’70s, and literally the only thing that’s changed is the name of their leaders and what the women are allowed to wear.

And almost 20 years in, the war in Afghanistan has gone nowhere, with plenty of dead Americans and nothing to show for it, but sure, let’s keep beating our chests as we continue in our never-ending quest to intervene in foreign affairs for our “strategic interests.”

Yet Mexico and China have indirectly killed thousands of Americans with their illegal drugs, but I don’t see any takedowns of “evil-doers” in Beijing or Juarez.

We haven’t won a war since I was born, but we sure have started a bunch, so I wonder, when will one dead American be more than enough?


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