Carnes: The narcissist-in-chief will repeate fabrications and other 2018 predictions (column)
January 1, 2018
"We have more legislative victories than any other president."
Whatchu' talkin' 'bout, Willis?
"Oh, nothing really, just repeating something I heard President Trump say last week."
Let me guess. If you repeat it enough, then it will magically come true, right?
"Well, no, I just like the sound of it."
Even though it's nonsense completely devoid of factual evidence?
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"Um … yes?"
And this is how I expect 2018 to continue, with the highly predictable narcissist-in-chief repeating fabrications to the growing applause from all the little gullible Trumpettes, and everything they refuse to believe will be called "fake news," regardless of reality.
Trump will play golf, ridicule past presidents for playing golf, condemn the FBI, Michael Flynn and the entire justice system, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders will defend the multiple outrageous statements of falsehoods he tweets.
Even if you did not read his interview with the "failing" New York Times last week where he claimed to know more about taxes and health care than, well, than anyone, you know it's true.
Those complaining about "media bias" toward the man will — instead of defending his actions or words — use the red herring technique of shifting the discussion toward Obama, both Clintons or the latest member of his administration to resign under questionable circumstances.
Oh, and if you dislike the timing of news stories Mr. TV is running, change the damn channel.
Anyway, I also predict alternative facts will die a quick death, the "alt-right" will finally be spelled correctly as "Nazi" and the letters in "witch hunt" will be rearranged to spell "indictment."
Pot sales will increase nationwide, health care costs will do the same, and bitcoin will go through the roof and then fall through the floor more than once, usually on the same day.
Byron Brown, Kurt Brandt, Dr. Steinberg and The Masked Man will still be missed, and the Olympics with Michaela and Lindsey are not to be.
Our 13 ½-year-old golden will walk outside, we'll close the door and turn our backs, and before a third step will be scratching at the door to come back inside.
I resolve to start drinking green tea, gluten-free beer and all the unicorn-based foods so when I toss my resolutions out the window in a few weeks (like most of you will), it won't have any actual impact on the rest of my year.
Our 1 ½-year-old cat will stand outside staring inside with the obvious "let me in" look, and the moment the door is opened will jump backwards doing a 180 and run away as quickly as possible.
I resolve to no longer answer unknown phone numbers beginning with 471, and to not make fun of the president unless he says or tweets something over-the-top psychotic.
I also predict that last bit will last less than a week.
And for those who question my writing abilities and confuse honest critiques with "shaming," I promise to write gooder whenever possible.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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