Carnes: ‘Tis the season to be offended
With Christmas being only two weeks away, some of you really need to ratchet up your “How dare they!” game if you’re going to be offended enough to satisfy your culture of vengeance deities in time.
The latest faux outrage is, of course, the evil, sexist and misogynistic husband in the Peloton commercial that had the gall to gift his wife with a $2,500 exquisite piece of exercise equipment.
I was especially offended by the way he chained her to the handlebars and wouldn’t allow her to cook breakfast or even make the bed before first spending an hour pedaling.
I bought my wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas once, but she had specifically asked for a certain make and model, going so far as to email me the details.
After I learned to use it, I must admit, the house was cleaner on a regular basis.
Let’s see, what other industries and marketing plans have reached out to the oversensitive, attention-seeking twits living life in a never-ending search for something to be angry about.
The beef industry, spearheaded by the U.S. Cattlemen’s Association, is screaming, “I won’t eat my vegetables and you can’t make me!” in an attempt to start a war against their plant-based rivals, like the Impossible Burger.
Looks to me like nobody is taking away choices or legislating what we can eat, only consumers simply having a few more options.
Same thing with the oil industry, which desperately keeps attempting to spin false claims about electric vehicles, batteries of all styles and any type of alternative energy.
It probably won’t stop until we have a coal-powered car called the “Luddite XL.”
Everyone loves the free market until competition arrives, then they suddenly love government regulations.
Yes, we’re Americans, being offended is what we do, but the vast majority of this petty nonsense is easily avoidable with a few simple life skills known as common sense.
If you’re offended by:
- MSNBC or Fox News? Change the channel.
- A social media post? Use the delete key.
- Google? Use Bing.
- Either political party? Vote.
- Gay marriage and/or abortion? Don’t have either one.
- Electric vehicles and/or plant-based hamburgers? Don’t buy either one.
- Local columnists? Turn the page.
And as for Peloton, if the commercial offended you, then don’t buy one, even if your wife asks for it. That’ll show ’em.
But before you get too self-righteous relishing in their recent “drastic” capitalization losses because of the ad, realize their stock hit an October low around $21 a share, and now has dropped all the way up to $32 as of last Friday.
My guess is it becomes this year’s “must-have” gift for those who can afford it of course.
So save the indignation for the election year, that way we can all enjoy the holiday season and only be outraged when we don’t receive even half the predicted snowfall totals.
That’s always deserving of a little bitchin’.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.