Vail relationship column: Want to fall in love? Do this
Want to fall in love this Valentine’s? Here is a set of questions designed for you to take a promising or hopeful relationship to the next level.
I should state that these questions require someone else’s active and willing participation, and it helps enormously if both of you are sexually and/or sensually attracted to each other. Also, both of you must be unencumbered with other romantic attachments so that you are available for a love relationship.
With that in mind, sit facing each other, and look into the other person’s eyes as the two of you share your answers to the following questions. Assume there will be multiple answers to each question:
What assists you in feeling close and connected? What interferes?
What are the biggest priorities in your life? Where does an intimate relationship fit into these priorities?
When you become irritable, short-tempered or hard to be around, what would you like me to say or do? What should I not say or do?
What are your expectations regarding children, friends, socializing and partying? How about drug/alcohol use, porn and opposite sex friendships? How about ex-spouses or lovers?
How would you like me to handle you when you’re angry? What helps? What doesn’t?
What do you want to accomplish or experience before you die? In the next five years? This next year?
What are some of the things you’re most proud of?
What are some of the things you’re most disappointed in yourself about?
Describe your best qualities or traits.
Describe your worst attributes or characteristics. Where do you need to improve the most?
What do you like about me? About our relationship? About us when we’re together?
If I were to be more open with you about my feelings, I would …
If I were to be more affectionate and giving toward you, I would …
When I get withdrawn, you could pull me back by …
Describe an extremely romantic evening. What does it consist of? What would make this an extremely romantic relationship for you?
What would help you to feel more cherished, valued and cared for by me?
Falling in love with someone is both a choice and a decision. It doesn’t happen to us — we make it happen, or we block it from happening. It’s your decision. Do you want to be in love?
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westminster and Boulder. His column is in its 23rd year of publication and is syndicated around the world. You can reach him at 303-758-8777, or email him through his website: http://www.heartrelationships.com. He is the author of the new book “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive.”