Vail Daily column: Surrounded by fools
Foolish, foolish Republicans.
After seven years of a liberal leader they finally have an opportunity to retake the White House and what do they do?
Turn their nomination process into a reality TV show, complete with science-denying clowns, Bible-thumping buffoons and enough reverse psychology self-loathing to make Lamar Odom look like the most successful Kardashian spin-off yet (prostitutes, cocaine and boner pills, what could go wrong?)
And then the two narcissistic current leaders, Trump (a former real estate tycoon specializing in bankruptcy) and Carson (a former brain surgeon specializing in ignorance towards evolutionary biology), threaten to boycott the next debate (a week from tomorrow right down the road in the Republic of Boulder) unless their rules are followed, causing CNBC to cave to their demands and limit the debate to two hours, presumably for entertainments sake and viewers lack of ability to focus.
With more than 10 candidates on stage (those polling 3 percent or more will determine the actual number) this leaves little time for substance from anyone, but on the plus side limits the potential for career-ending gaffes.
They finally prove their impressive job-creating abilities by offering one (one, as in singular) opening for speaker of the House and nobody wants it.
They define gun control as “using two hands when firing” and believe first-graders will be safer when the teacher is packing heat.
Like the Bronco offense, Republicans have all the weapons in the world but can’t seem to accomplish anything without being defensive.
Foolish, foolish Democrats.
Their vice president has done his impression of an expired gift certificate by waiting too long to get into the race, leaving little more than a former secretary of state nobody trusts and a socialist nobody understands.
They pretend to follow this silly mantra of equality for all regardless of ability or lack thereof and act as if they truly believe government is the answer even though they cannot define the question.
They think e-cigarettes, plastic bags and sugary drinks are bigger threats than ISIS, a nuclear Iran or the national debt.
They conveniently claim to be conservative around tax time but the rest of the year treat such a claim like a Muslim treats a BLT.
Even Democratic operative James Carville claims, “Eighty percent of the people who call themselves Democrats don’t have a clue as to political reality.”
Foolish, foolish Independents.
They will be around 40 percent of all voters next November, yet they do not grasp the incredible potential they possess to make an actual difference and will no doubt cave at the last minute and vote for whichever candidate comes up with the cleverest platitude at the last minute.
Listen, life is, intrinsically, really very simple and each of us plays the part of a fool from time to time.
So whether you choose to fight about gun control, immigration, abortion, bond issues for Eagle-Vail or “3 K’s and a Battle” for the school board, please quit wasting time for the rest of us unless you have real and valid arguments, along with positive methods to change things for the better.
Otherwise all of your complaining is nothing more than pointless jabber (this column notwithstanding, of course).
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.