Vail Daily column: Timing is everything (or not) |

Vail Daily column: Timing is everything (or not)

Last Saturday afternoon …

“You gonna watch the GOP debate Saturday night?”

Why bother? I already know what they’re going to say, how they’re going to say it and then what they will claim to have really meant right afterwards.

“That’s quite the cynical approach.”

Don’t confuse cynicism with pragmatism. Every answer is well-rehearsed, and the ad-libs will make the highlight reel for a few days. Nothing else relevant will occur.

“Don’t you think some will be influenced to change their vote in New Hampshire on Tuesday?”

Seriously? I had no idea you were so naive. Of course not. Ninety nine percent of New Hampshire voters already know who they’re voting for, and nothing anyone says or does will change anything, short of a Hillary indictment, a water bottle delivery from Flint or a Trump plane crash.

Put simply, unless Steve Harvey is making the announcement, it will be a win for Bernie and Trump, at which point things will start to become truly interesting.

(Result: We’ll know tonight, but I’m pretty sure I am correct.)

Sunday afternoon …

“You gonna watch the Super Bowl today?”

Why bother? I already know Cam Newton is unbeatable and Peyton Manning can no longer throw a dart, much less a football, more than 10 yards with any accuracy.

“That’s quite the cynical approach.”

Don’t confuse cynicism with pragmatism. Of course I want the Broncos to win, but Manning’s just not the player he used to be, and Superman Newton is playing to Manning’s Batman, and we all know how that battle turns out in reality.

“Don’t you think the Broncos have at least a chance?”

Seriously? I had no idea you were so naive. Of course they have a chance, but it’s mucho slim. I mean, sure, Newton could twist an ankle on a slab of kryptonite coming out of the locker room or one of the stadium’s 544 solar panels could fall and hit him in the head, but I’m not holding my breath.

Put simply, unless Coldplay and Beyonce convince Newton to join them on stage during halftime at which point he’s too tired to play the second half, it will be a Panther win.

(Result: Well, one outta two ain’t bad, and besides, I couldn’t be happier to be wrong.)

One day this week …

“You gonna take your wife out someplace romantic for Valentine’s?”

Why bother? I already know what …

Wait, I didn’t mean that. I have no idea what she wants — ever — but of course I’m taking her out someplace romantic for Valentine’s Day. The entire evening is already planned out in detail. We’re going with the same couple we’ve spent the last 15 Valentine’s with, and I’ll do everything possible to make her feel more special than I already do on a daily basis.

Sure, I might be a pragmatic cynic with questionable prognostication skills from time to time.

But I’m not an idiot.

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at

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