Vail Daily column: GOP fat lady warming up
August 3, 2015
It might be a tad premature to drag the fat lady out on the GOP stage for her final act, but you could definitely say Rush Limbaugh in drag (or is that Ann Coulter?) is warming up in the wings.
For Pete's sake, if I didn't know better I'd put good money down that a majority of Republican voters secretly yearn for another Clinton presidency just so they'll have plenty to complain about for another four years.
But I'm pretty sure I know better, yet I do not understand what they are doing.
Not at all.
There are actually 37 declared Republican Party presidential candidates as of this past weekend (www.2016.republican-candidates.org), but the first 20 have about as much chance of any publicity as Tom Brady does of becoming the next Samsung Android spokesman.
It's the top 17 we're supposed to care about, but at this point it really only boils down to Bush, Walker and Trump.
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Yeah, I know, that last word was somewhat difficult to type, much less say aloud, but it is what it is.
And it ain't much.
There's only two words I can say about Donald Trump and his "seemingly out of nowhere" jump to the top of the polls: Herman Cain.
Mr. "999" led in the polls 13 months out back in 2011, with the GOP bandleaders scratching their collective heads, but hey, the polls said he was No. 1, so they, perhaps grudgingly, went along for the ride while it lasted.
And like the Duggar family applying for food stamps since they are now broke, how quickly the mighty fall, and Trump will do the same sooner than later. Just like the "Jade Helm" takeover in Texas — he's much ado about nothing.
As for the others, well, Rick "it makes a lot of sense to bring guns to a movie theater" Perry is going nowhere, as well as Mike "let's make a Jewish oven pun and see what happens" Huckabee, along with Ben "Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery" Carson and the rest of the "a voice in my head told me to run" crowd.
All the while Hillary Clinton is sitting back and laughing, watching the GOP implode and letting the Bernie Sanders train slowly derail itself with the "socialism" nametag (deserved or not).
The entire mess poses the same question I'd like to ask the trophy hunting dentist: "What in the hell were you thinking?"
Either way I'll tell you what, if exactly one year from today, Aug. 4, 2016, and the nominated candidate for the Republican Party is Donald Trump and the nominated Democratic candidate is Bernie Sanders, then I will write a goodbye column to the Vail Daily and you'll never be forced to read my drivel again.
No more borderline tasteless humor, no more snide remarks about politicians and not another column pointing out the absurdity of wasting one's life based upon ancient superstitions and voices heard only between the ears.
But until then, and trust me, after as well, I will continue to highlight the hypocrisies and absurdities I see in this world and can only hope the GOP will get their dung together in the meantime.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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