Vail Daily column: Yet another (blah) Christmas poem
’Tis three days before Christmas
And all through the nation,
Even presidential candidates are taking
A well-deserved vacation.
But I take that back
Those putzes don’t deserve diddly,
With their boring platitudes
And arrogant flippancy.
But for the rest of us
Hey, it’s our favorite time of year again,
With snow and presents
And a little extra pigskin.
You’re here to get away
From a world full of crisis,
The politics and religion
Of murder via ISIS.
And 2015 was full of surprises
We have a new word for narcissism,
Any time you use it
Just insert the word Trumpism.
“I am woman, hear me roar!”
It’s shouted from a media center,
But was really a conservative Christian
Formally known as Bruce Jenner.
It’s also interesting to be exposed
To the 1-percenters’ underbelly,
As we cheer for the arrest
Of former hedge fund scum Martin Shkreli.
But the economy is back
Gas is low, stocks are high (’cept for last week),
Making it easier for many
To do more than “just get by.”
So if it’s powder you want
And dumpage you seek,
Be aware we’re promised
More snow all this week!
And while you are up on the mountain
Jumping cliffs with alert,
Take a moment of reflection
Remembering our second season without Tony Seibert.
And speaking of those
Of memories bittersweet,
It’s hard to describe
How much we miss Sandy Treat.
And David Levine
My old golfing buddy,
Who taught me so much
And forced me to study.
But enough of the sadness
It’s a time to be happy,
With friends and family
And all things extra sappy.
While most of us are
Schussing turns with glee,
Keep your thoughts on Mikaela
As she nurses her right knee.
But we know she’ll be back
With gorgeous looks and her brawn,
When she returns to the chase
Of our other local legend — Miss Lindsey Vonn.
And if the two “Als” hit you
Known as “’cohol” and “’titude,”
Just looking out your window
Is sure to brighten your mood.
Or if that’s not enough
And you can’t handle shopping in stores,
There’s more than one location
To see the new “Star Wars.”
And if you’ve never been to Colorado
Or experienced a real Rocky Mountain High,
Don’t forget our special chocolate
Ain’t legal once you fly.
Yes, though much is a mess
And all seems in trouble,
We’re still safe and warm
In our Rocky Mountain bubble.
So although the world can be nasty
Full of evil and strife,
Never forget for us in the Vail Valley
It is indeed a wonderful life!
P.S. — Read it and weep
I promise it’s not a trick,
Even though once again, you just read
Another crappy Christmas poem (No. 16!), by Dick.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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