Moore: All means all
This coming Saturday is one of my favorite days of the year. Not just because it will further usher in the beauty of our mountain summer, but because of the beauty and joy that will be experienced at the Pride in the Park festival in Avon.
About 18 months ago, I wrote a column in the Vail Daily describing my changed heart and mind toward the wonderful people of our LGBTQ+ community. This change unfolded over several years as I wrestled through the cognitive dissonance between the embedded social convictions of my lifelong conservative faith and the actual lives, stories and lived experiences of my growing circle of LGBTQ+ friends. As I said in that column, this change of heart did not threaten my faith; it expanded and enriched my faith.
Through this transition, I’ve further discovered the blessing of laying down the burdens that prevent us from accepting and loving our fellow human beings. These burdens included my biases, opinions, fears and the common human desire for certainty. I discovered the spiritual relief of surrendering my self-limiting desire to know I was the one who was right, and for the world around me to align with what I had always held as obvious, non-nuanced and binary truth.
It’s been said that we become better parents when we stop trying to raise the kid we wanted and begin to love, accept and raise the kid we actually have. Likewise, I believe I became a better neighbor and a spiritually healthier person when I stopped viewing people only through the lens of my embedded beliefs and began to love people for who they truly are. My friends, for our LGBTQ+ children, family members, friends, coworkers and neighbors, their sexual orientation and innermost understanding of their gender is who they are. It’s not a choice, it is a discovery. It is who they are, and who they are is beautiful — just as your sexual orientation and understanding of your gender is who you are, and who you are is beautiful.
But here’s the thing. Getting to know people for who they truly are isn’t easy. It requires time, sustained effort, intellectual honesty and humility to consider how your long-held positions on some things might be flawed. This is hard and rarely happens without an underlying love and conviction of the inherent value and dignity of all people. My faith taught me this, but it was through my LGBTQ+ friends that the word “all” really came to mean ALL.
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Across this past year, I’ve been blessed as my “all” has grown to include people whose life experience is transgender and non-binary. Until recently, I had never considered the compelling life stories and profound life struggles of our trans community. I hadn’t challenged the near-constant stream of anti-trans rhetoric present in our culture. As a pastor, I remember listening to well-meaning friends as they poured out their genuine grief and theological fear of what full, loving affirmation of LGBTQ+ people, especially trans people, would mean in their families, workplace and community. I remember holding some of these same views.
Some transphobia is malicious and rooted in the time-tested strategy of seeking power by sowing fear of the vulnerable, marginalized and misunderstood. Other people are doing the rewarding work of reading, listening and asking questions with a genuine desire to learn, and not just as a tool to reinforce their own positions. There are also sincere and well-intentioned people who hold culturally biased views flowing from inherited opinion, misunderstanding and ignorance. This was me. I never intended my views to harm anyone in the trans community, but (as many have said) when it comes to the life of your fellow human being, it’s not your intention that matters, it is your impact. And regardless of motivation, the impact of ignorance is harm.
Then, one afternoon over coffee, I listened as a remarkable trans person invited me into their story of self-discovery. How, against great odds, they were arriving at a place of self-understanding and honesty of self-expression I’ve rarely seen. It was eye-opening, heartbreaking, courageous and inspiring.
As a white, straight, cisgender man, I cannot fathom what it must feel like to have large-scale societal forces seeking to invalidate your very existence. I can only begin to imagine the emotional and existential pain of fearing the rejection of those whom you love (and those whose love you most desire) if you are honest about who you are. This is not my story, but I can listen and learn from those whose story it is. I can be an advocate and a friend, as can you.
A few weeks ago, I sat with a small group as our presenter taught us about the misunderstandings, myths and misplaced fears often surrounding these unique and wonderful people. They give me hope. Like the others with me that evening, I still have a lot to learn, but by God’s grace, I’m experiencing the joy of learning how to love people whose lives I’ll never fully understand.
Really, understanding isn’t the point. Loving your neighbor is the point. Extending respect, kindness, empathy and dignity is the point. Acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly is the point.
All means all. May it be so with us, and I hope to see you in the park on Saturday.
Ethan Moore is a longtime local and spiritual caregiver. He and his family live in Eagle.
