Norton: Beyond wanting forgiveness, are we willing to give it?
I’ve spent a good part of my life writing and speaking about forgiveness. Every time I do, I get some version of the same response. People come up afterward or send me a note, some grateful, some challenged, and a few who just can’t quite get there.
After one talk, a woman named Diane summed it up in three simple words: “Forgiveness is hard.”
She’s right. It is hard.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a column called “When ego and pride get in the way of truth and grace.” That one seemed to hit a nerve. My inbox filled up with people wrestling with how to offer forgiveness or grace to others whose opinions or beliefs are so far from their own.
And that’s where we find ourselves right now as a society: divided, defensive, and desperately wanting forgiveness, but not nearly as willing to give it.
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Let’s be honest, we’re at a boiling point. Scroll through your social media feed (the one you swore you were taking a break from) and you’ll see it everywhere. It’s one thing to have different views. It’s another thing entirely to go on the attack because someone dares to see the world differently.
A friend told me recently that he’d gone on a bit of a rant online, something that felt right in the heat of the moment. The next day, he realized it wasn’t his best move. His passion was understandable. His words? Not so much.
He said he hoped people would forgive him, which is fair enough. But when I asked if he was willing to forgive those who disagreed with him, who pushed back, and maybe even insulted him, he hesitated.
That hesitation said a lot.
Here’s the truth: most of us want grace when we mess up. We have a much harder time extending it to others.
Scripture puts it plainly: Forgive others as you have been forgiven. And when asked how many times we’re supposed to forgive, Jesus didn’t say, “Try a few times and give up.” He said, seventy times seven.
If you’re doing the math, that’s 490 times. I stopped counting somewhere around age 30 because, frankly, I’ve needed more forgiveness than that.
So, if we all want forgiveness when it’s our turn, why is it so hard to offer it? Forgiveness takes humility. It means admitting we might not have the whole picture. It asks us to release our pride, our need to be right, and our desire to “win.” And that’s tough.
But holding on to anger? That’s tougher.
Nelson Mandela once said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
That line hits me every time. I’ve seen what happens when people cling to resentment: It eats away at them from the inside out. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget what happened or pretend it didn’t hurt. It means we stop letting the hurt define us.
Forgiveness isn’t a favor we give someone else. It’s a gift we give ourselves. It’s the key that unlocks the cell door we’ve been sitting behind, sometimes for years.
Let’s face it, the world feels heavy right now. Division, judgment, pride … It’s everywhere. But what if we decided that our little corner of the world didn’t have to stay that way?
Maybe healing our culture doesn’t start in Washington, or on social media, or even in our churches. Maybe it starts right here, with you and me choosing to forgive when it would be easier to hold a grudge.
We can’t fix everything overnight. But we can make the world a little less angry, one act of grace at a time. So, how about you? Are you willing to forgive freely, or do you still need a little encouragement? As always, I’d love to hear your story, whether you agree or not, at gotonorton@gmail.com.
Because forgiveness, in the end, isn’t just a moral ideal, it’s a path to freedom. And living in that kind of freedom? That’s what I call a better-than-good life.
Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.
