Norton: Reminiscing is one thing, lamenting is another, and both are awesome
Not sure about you, but one of my favorite pastimes is reminiscing with friends and family about the good times that we enjoyed over all the years we have been a part of each other’s lives. Oh, the stories change and grow in grandeur over time, but then we all laugh at one another as we realize the tall tales we are sharing about our favorite, crazy, and sometimes even cringeworthy events that we shared together.
We reminisce about those we have loved and lost. We remember our family and friends as tears build up in our eyes, recanting their most infamous moments that we can recall. And then we think about how angry we were with them at some point in our life, but we just can’t seem to remember why. Has that ever happened to you? It has certainly happened to me.
When we find ourselves reminiscing, we sometimes drift off into the daydreams of happy times and incredible memories. That day we first held hands, that first kiss, our first football championship, our first beer together, and so many other firsts. Or we go down memory lane, reminded not just of our “firsts” in life, but of many years of shared hardships, hurts, disappointments, wins, and celebrations. Reminiscing brings back joyful moments of those we have lived our lives with and through, and just how special each moment was to us during those seasons of life. Do you have any of those memories? I sure do.
While reminiscing brings fond memories of years gone by, we sometimes visit that other side of our memories as we lament the missed opportunities in life, lost chances of love, and the mistakes we may have made along the way. We don’t often hear the word “lament” anymore. Miriam Webster’s Dictionary defines lament as, “to express sorrow, mourning, or regret for often demonstratively, or, to regret strongly, or, to cry out in grief.” Those are some very strong words that should emote some very deep feelings.
When given the choice, most of us would probably prefer to reminisce about the good old days, right? We can laugh with one another, embrace one another, and choose to only remember the best times of our lives. There is nothing wrong with that and as a matter of fact, I highly recommend it. There is no greater cure for the blues than spending time with a family member or friend stirring up our greatest and most memorable escapades of our past.
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Yet there is also something to be said of lamenting our past, our sorrows, our griefs, and the challenges we have faced in all our years here on earth. The struggles have been real, the hurts have been devastating, the challenges have brought us to tears, and the disappointments many and plentiful. Why would I say that there is something to be said about lamenting our past? Because sometimes even the pain brings back memories of something once cherished. Because sometimes, it’s healthy to lament, and feel the pain so that we can maybe finally let it go. And sometimes, it’s okay to never let go of something or someone we cherished so deeply, that is now lost, because it keeps us connected forever.
The daughter who lost her mom before her wedding day laments that she couldn’t experience that special occasion with her mom. The same daughter reminisces each holiday about how special her mom made each and every holiday, bringing both tears of sorrow and tears of joy to her face. Do you see how they can both exist in the same moment?
How about you? Do you love and appreciate the moments where you get to reminisce about the best, happiest, and craziest times of life with your family and friends? Do you also lament those moments in life where you wish things could’ve been different? I would love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com and when we can remember all of the sweet, bitter, and bittersweet moments of life that shape who we are, it really will be a better-than-good life.
Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.
