Vail Daily column: Bill’s not running, either
October 3, 2016
"Why don't you just come out of the liberal closet and admit you're a yuge Hillary fan?"
Simple, because I am not.
"Yeah, sure. All you seem to do is make fun of Donald Trump."
That's because he's a sniffling little clown with the temperament of a spoiled 6-year-old who keeps falling on his face during his first ski lesson on the Golden Peak carpet.
"Well, to me that means you're voting for Hillary, and you secretly want her to win."
First, I never want to see another Clinton in the White House, and second, when I say "huge" I spell it with an "h."
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"But you never write anything negative about Clinton. When are you ever going to go after her with proper unbiased journalism?"
Did you not read the previous sentence? Anyway, as I've said a few dozen times over the last 17 years of this column, referring to me as a journalist is a slap-in-the-face insult to all journalists, even the questionable ones. I write a weekly commentary, nothing more, nothing less. It's what's called an "opinion piece."
"But … but, what about her emails? And Benghazi, and Bill, and the whole pay-to-play issues of the Clinton Foundation?"
What about them? The FBI found nothing worthy of prosecution, and like the Bush White House losing 22 million emails between 2003 and 2009, nothing will ever come out of these either. Bi-partisan congressional committees found nothing in seven separate Benghazi investigations. Bill Clinton is not running for president, and while certainly not condoning such a thing, look me in the eye and tell me you understand what lobbyists do.
"They use corporate money to influence politics?"
Bingo. Are both the Clinton Foundation and Trump Foundation guilty at some level of doing the same? Why hell yes, they most likely are, but no Pollyanna idealists' nonsense will change the way governments do business, and certainly not by a candidate who consistently brags about making cash donations for political favors.
"Dude, like I said, you're just a shill for Hillary. Look how hard you're defending her."
Nope, no matter how hard you're trying to ignore it, I'm just pointing out reality … dude.
But I will tell you I think he definitely had a faulty mic at his unhinged, Pee Wee Herman-styled debate last week.
"Oh, so you agree, good."
Yes, it was obviously stuck in the "on" position the entire time.
"That's not funny."
Yes, yes it is.
And what was even funnier was a talking head on Fox the next day attempting to spin Trump's sniffling as "a professional businessman's breathing technique to deal with stress … that's all he was doing."
"I bet you're jealous of the fact that he's a great businessman who has made millions, if not billions more than you."
Hey, six out of the last seven years I have not paid a dime in federal taxes.
"Oh, so I suppose you think that makes you smart, just like Donald."
No, it means I have a savvy financial manager and a sharp accountant.
"Stop it, you're no better than him. You insult people, make childish immature statements all the time, and have an obvious ego, so what's the difference between you and Trump?"
Simple — I'm not pretending to run for president.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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