Skimmers plunge pond under sunny skies
VAIL – OK, so Jesus, a rabbi and two nuns all went pond skimming Sunday.Jesus, who is known for walking on water, had some trouble skiing over it.The rabbi, who can’t eat leavened bread because it’s Passover, somehow levitated over the pond. And the nuns, well they celebrated Easter by going down the hill together on one ski each to win the World Pond Skimming Championships in Vail.
I’m not joking. Tyson and Onie Bolduc, whom the announcers dubbed “the flying nuns,” gladly embraced the name and the $1,000 prize they shared.”We were originally supposed to be French maids, and for the longest time they kept talking about flying nuns,” said Onie Bolduc. “We kept trying to figure out who they heck they were.”Thanks, thong man
I think I speak for everyone who took part in Sunday’s resumed pond skimming in saying thanks to the dude in the thong who put a rip in the pool liner Saturday and caused the event to be postponed.Saturday’s snowy weather put the chill on just about all the skimmers, no matter how much they had to drink.On Sunday, however, not a cloud could be found in the sky. The pond water was probably 0.1 degree warmer as a result, but really, what’s the point of the event if you don’t experience a little shrinkage – of your costume.Costumeology 101
Some people entered for the thrill factor, others signed up in hopes of great prosperity and then there were those like myself who wanted a good excuse to cross dress.Wait, that was just me. Never mind.Anyway, there was not a shortage of alluring and creative outfits.The Chair 5 panty tree. Ace and Gary (more on them later). Jon Bon Jovi.
On the first day, I went with the nurse’s outfit (thanks, Mom). A white pleather dress, thigh-high red fishnets, painted fingernails and lipstick. Oh, and a killer mustache.But as any good showman knows, you’ve got to keep the audience on their feet, so I switched it up for Sunday and made a suit out of plastic wrap.While it may have been cool to look at, it was a nightmare to wear. Not only did I have the mobility of an oyster, but I felt as if I was chained to a tanning bed. The plastic acted like a greenhouse, letting in the sun while magnifying its rays, then trapping it. And I didn’t put on any sunscreen. I think I saw a dermatologist in the crowd have a conniption.If anyone needs to crash diet, I suggest wearing my costume, as I must have lost 10 pounds from sweating.
When it was finally my turn and I lost a ski upon impact, I didn’t mind sliding across the water on my stomach and letting the cold water envelop my body.Ace and GaryThe two guys dressed as the Saturday Night Live cartoon characters put on a great show. Not only did they dazzle the crowd with their well-tailored costumes, but they pulled off one of the most daring feats of the day, riding down the hill together on one pair of skis.When they left the starting tent, I thought they would emerge from the pond with at least one broken bone each.
But no, they escaped unscathed. And then, they went tandem pond skimming again in the final round.And just when I thought I had seen everything, down came the nuns.I can’t wait to see who will win next year.Sports Writer Ian Cropp can be reached at 949-0555, ext. 14631, or firstname.lastname@example.org.Vail, Colorado