The super sick-tionary!
Scene one: A cozy living room in a suburban home.Camera focuses in on two teenage boys who are watching television. A close-up shot reveals they are watching the Winter X Games on ESPN. Panning toward the kitchen, the mother of the household is pictured slicing vegetables as she prepares dinner. Back on the television, the boys watch as snowboarding superstar Shaun White lands a huge 1080 at the bottom of the course to close out an incredible run.The camera zooms in for a close-up as both boys stare at each other and in succession say, “That was totally sick.”The mother stops what she’s doing and peeks into the living room with a confused look.”He totally killed it,” one of the boys shouts.There is a disconnect between the mother and her two sons as a pull-away shot shows her standing puzzled while her two sons high-five.Voice over: Parents, are you having a hard time understanding your children?There is a close-up shot of mother nodding her head as voice over continues.Voice over: Do you feel you can’t communicate with them because you don’t speak their language? Are you feeling old and outdated?The mother nods with vigor.Voice over: Well, now you can talk the same language as your kids. With the new Super Sick-tionary, available to you for three easy payments of $19.95, you too can learn to speak just like the pros at the Winter X Games.The shot of the mother nodding switches to highlights of skiers and snowboarders flying off jumps and sliding rails as the voice over continues.Voice over: Learn the meaning of slang words like “sick” and “labeled” and “dong.” Understand what it means to “kill it,” or to have “steeze” so that you can get all the “cheez.” Straight from the pros, the Super Sick-tionary is the essential guide, written by the pros, to help you learn to talk the talk and walk the walk.Scene two: A wide-angle shot shows the mother sitting down to dinner with her two boys and their father a few weeks later. There is a close-up shot of one of the boys chewing on something. “Mom, these peas are wicked sweet,” the boy says.Switch to a close-up shot of the mother. “Thanks, honey,” she says. “I totally slaughtered it today in the kitchen. I’ve got mad steez when it comes to peas.”The camera pans to the father, who looks frighteningly confused.Switch to a standard television offer blue screen with 1-800 number and purchasing information.Voice over: Buy your Super Sick-tionary now! Just call 1-800-SUPA-SIC while supplies last! Operators are standing by!Staff Writer Nate Peterson can be reached at 949-0555, ext. 608, or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.The Super Sick-tionary glossaryBronanza – A crowded bar full of guys (common in resort towns) Sentence: “Dude, this place is a total bronanza. I need some brotection from the brozone layer.”Cab – The prefix for a switch, frontside trickSentence: “Shaun White’s cab 900s are sick.” Cheez – Money Sentence: “There’s a lot of cheese at that comp in Aspen.” “If Steve wouldn’t have gotten labeled on that last rail, he would have gotten some cheese.”Comp – Abbreviation for competition Sentence: “This comp is so played out. I’m not coming back next year.”Cooked – To take a bad fall Sentence: “I totally got cooked in the halfpipe. I decked out on my misty 900.”Destroy – To do well, to dominate”I totally destroyed the pipe today.”Dong – The tiny flat extension at the end of a staircase rail Sentence: “That rail is sick, but if you’re not paying attention, you’ll get housed by the dong.”Epic – Extraordinary Sentence: “Conditions were epic today. There was like two feet of fresh pow.”Filet – See destroyFreshy-itis – An addition for powderSentence: “I told my boss I couldn’t come to work today. I’ve got a bad case of freshy-itis.”Ginormous – Combination of giant and enormous, extra big”The walls in the superpipe are ginormous. I couldn’t even clear them.”Hammer time (throwing hammers) – When it’s time to get serious Sentence: “Screw this playing around (expletive). It’s hammer time.”Hit – JumpSentence: “That hit is ginormous.”Hot – Good, coolSentence: “My Japanese 720 is super hot.”Housed – To get hurtSentence: “My friend is out for the season with a broken leg. He got housed in the park yesterday on the rainbow rail.”Kill (kill it) – To do well”I was totally killing it in that comp last week.”Labeled – To take a bad fall, to get hurt Sentence: “So many dudes got labeled at that comp last night.” “Never say last run, dude. That’s just asking to get labeled.”Murder – See kill, filetNar (nar-nar) – Abbreviation for gnarly Sentence: “The pow-pow today was totally nar-nar.”Pow (pow-pow) – powderSentence: “We’ve got to get up early tomorrow so we can get the fresh pow.”Pro ho – Snowboarder/skier groupie Sentence: “She’s pretty hot, but she’s a total pro ho. She said she hooked up with Danny Kass last year at the X Games.””Chad Otterstrom is here. Look at all the chicks that are pro-hoin’ it to get his attention.”Wicked sweet – Sweeter than sweet, awesome Sentence: “The park in Breckenridge is wicked sweet. The last kicker is epic.”Schralp – to ski/carve, to shred Sentence: “We’ll go schralp the nar sometime. Just give me a call.”Schralptastic – Ideal conditions for schralpingSick (super-sick) – Incredible”I can’t believe she just did that. That was so sick.”Steez (steezy) – Style, stylishSentence: “My new pink Oakleys are so steezy.””She doesn’t go that big off the jumps, but she’s got mad steez in the air.”Stomped – To land a trickSentence: “I stomped my backside 9, but then I sketched out on my last hit.”Vail Colorado