Opinion | Chacos: Why is a graduation tassel so important?
Andrea Chacos Fall 2023
In a breath the room fell silent. Even the baby wailing throughout the entire ceremony seemed to know something important was about to happen and stifled another uncomfortable cry. It would be years before the fidgeting young adults in stiff caps and itchy gowns would appreciate the high-stakes emotions coming from the audience. Many in attendance worked hard at keeping their feelings in check and will exhale when the ceremony concludes. The soon-to-be graduates simply want to say good riddance to high school and nagging teachers, get out of the spotlight and get on with their lives.
The older adults in the room are the ones that know that ceremonies and rituals hold deep significance and are there to do more than listen to endless speeches in uneven plastic chairs. They know why we ask for family brunch afterward or demand a photo be taken with their parents’ friends. Formal rituals acknowledge the effort required to reach a milestone and begin a new stage in life. While new rules and expectations come with new chapters, those that have experience with this type of thing come out in full regalia to help someone cross the stage.
I can’t remember many details; however, I was confused about what exactly comes after I ultimately had to walk off the stage after my own high school graduation. I felt similarly after I said, “I do” when I got married, and, again when I left the hospital with a newborn baby. Each experience forced me to sit on the edge of the unknown feeling both terrified and thrilled to take the next step. Those moments gave me confidence to tackle future challenges, and I eventually learned that many of life’s rituals and ceremonies have a predictable flow. The discomfort that comes with it can give you confidence on the other side. There’s also comfort in knowing that millions have celebrated these types of milestones in similar ways across continents for centuries. Experiences and maturity show you that, and there’s no way to share that wisdom with a soon-to-be high school graduate. At their age, we know nothing.
Despite steely stares coming from the stage begging the audience to behave, entire support systems show up to whoop, holler, wave and shout with glee. The fan club can’t help it even when silent pleading from the star yearns for people to keep quiet. Celebrating openly validates years of hard work while acknowledging that the gap has been bridged between adolescence and independent adulthood. The kids don’t see the noise and shameless displays of pride as the love tokens they are; they only see the moment as an eviction notice from their childhood.
Graduation exercises also help us express the jam-packed feelings that have many of us break down and buy large foam board cutouts of our young adults as cute babies or throw weekend parties that require a party planner to pull off. Parents and immediate caregivers at commencement ceremonies have to brace themselves with polished poise for when their kid walks across the stage or receives an award. Each sits and smiles for being part of these monumental milestones, and despite the best of intentions, overwhelming feelings eventually hijack their hearts and moms around the globe can be found streaming salty tears later that night for what was, what is, and what will become.
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Most young adults don’t yet have the skills nor experience to execute conflicting emotions with grace. That’s why some older adults are often ignored or taken for granted in these powerful moments of life’s transitions. Some feel forgotten in a young adult’s quest for independence, yet are required to hold a graduate’s swirling emotions with the tenderness we’d give a dove’s egg left in our care. It’s a huge job for a caregiver to learn how to stay silent until spoken to, withhold judgement, and let them take new steps without us nearby. Please be patient with us old folks. We’re also learning new roles.
After every student moved their tassel from right to left, signifying the transition from candidate to graduate, the auditorium finally let out a sigh of relief. This was the public receipt everyone was waiting to cash in on, the flipping of the simple frayed colored thread honoring the friction and challenges of growing up. That’s why a tassel matters. It’s one of the first major ceremonies in a young adult’s life that no one will remember in detail and a memory no one will ever forget.
Andrea Chacos lives in Carbondale, balancing work and happily raising three children with her husband. She strives to dodge curveballs life likes to throw with a bit of passion, humor and some flair.
