Love in the Mountains: Take time to reflect to reconnect |

Love in the Mountains: Take time to reflect to reconnect

As 2017 comes to a close, it's a good time to reflect on relationships in your life.
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Editor’s note: Do you have a question for Love in the Mountains author Jessica Heaney? Send her an email at

While we wait for snow to fall on our mountains, let’s soak up these last few weeks of 2017. I encourage you to specifically reflect upon how this past year has impacted your relationships.

Within our busy non-stop lives, pausing to reflect is usually brushed aside. Too often we’re overworked and cramped with schedules that beg for more time. Time to do more and get more done. But not the time to pause, slow down and reflect. And yet, whatever isn’t reflected upon becomes lost, as it remains untethered to anything meaningful. We end up missing the opportunities to ask, “Well, how did I get here?”

In relationships, patterns endlessly repeat when there isn’t protected time for reflection, both for yourself and with your partner. So, while you sit at home anguishing about never finding lasting love or resentful about the lack of romance from your partner, the perpetual patterns of disconnection continue.

We blame ourselves, we blame everyone else, all while demanding things be different. Yet, without reflection, it’s impossible to grasp what is actually getting in the way of having the relationship you desire most.

Taking a good hard look at our own selves first helps us recognize our mistakes, learn what we need and set purposeful intentions. Through reflection, we can choose how to show up in our relationships and choose to act in ways that bring more connection. We can identify what isn’t nurturing our relationships so that we can begin to disrupt those old perpetual patterns. Rather than apathetically and mindlessly floating through life, we can take back the driver’s seat.

Essentially, taking time to reflect helps us feel better, do better and be better. As you show up more engaged in your relationships, your spouse, children, colleagues and friendships will all thank you.

Think about these questions

Grab some tea, a pen and some paper. Then ask yourself the following questions and reflect. Invite your partner to participate and share your thoughts to strengthen your connection.

Overall, have I given my family and friends my best this year? If not, then what got in the way? How can I improve in 2018?

What happened in this past year that created more connection in my life? How may I have caused more disconnection?

Who do I wish I had a stronger relationship with? What can I personally do to strengthen this relationship?

What do I not want to repeat in 2018 when it comes to love, relationships and connection?

As Thomas S.C. Farell said, “We do not learn as much from experience as we learn from reflecting on that experience.”

Counseling is an amazing way to protect time to reflect and consider the health of your relationships. I believe, without secure connected relationships, we can never be our best self. Contact me, Jessica Heaney, your local relationship expert to talk today.

Jessica Heaney is a licensed clinical social worker who knows the relationship struggles of living in the Vail Valley. If you’re a Vail Resorts employee, then your EAP benefits give you and your partner six sessions with Heaney. For more information, visit If you want to learn how to date for commitment and how to stop dating the king or queen of first dates, then contact Heaney at

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