Carnes: Surely it’s a mockumentary |

Carnes: Surely it’s a mockumentary

The bow-tied darling of Russian state TV and carrier of extra string for Putin’s favorite puppet, Tucker Carlson, is oh-so-concerned for your manliness.

Yes — yours — and every one of you bemoaning the need for a birth certificate to know the gender to which you physically belong.

The growing threat against masculinity has now been exposed for all to see as Carlson’s inappropriately labeled documentary “The End of Men” uncovers “the total collapse of testosterone levels in American men,” which he says is “a huge story that no one covers.”

Sounds like the aforementioned puppet whenever he says, “Many people are saying … ”

Anyway, the obvious homoeroticism apparently straight from a Grindr ad shows shirtless white men chopping wood, flipping tractor tires, milking cows, cooking BBQ and doing manly push-ups all to the tune of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” and it’s topped off with a guy in his birthday suit, arms reaching toward the sky, standing atop a rock at sunset in front of a tiny machine emitting red light on his private parts.

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I kid you not.

The irrationally popular Fox News talking head, brow furrowed as if in a constant state of teenage confusion, claims men are being emasculated and feminized due to cancel culture and wokeness (among other things), and “testicle tanning” is apparently one of the ways for us to return to the glory days where “men who are tough, men who are resourceful, men who are strong enough to survive” will once again rule.

Seriously, this was on national TV.

As we all know, putting “bro” in front of anything somehow imbues the word with manliness, hence Tucker’s new favorite word: bromeopathic, which by the way can have its letters rearranged to spell: It Be Homo Crap.

Bromeopathic men are apparently the type afraid of their own shadow if they turn just right into the light for it to resemble anything other than a massive chest with big biceps.

In a weird, yet strangely understandable way, I have a feeling Tucker has heart palpitations upon viewing pictures of a shirtless Hunter Biden fondling his laptop, and to be perfectly clear, I have zero problems with that, but to internally justify contradictory urges by promoting the exact opposite only serves to backfire one’s personal agenda.

The advertisers on his show constantly hawk the narrative of decreasing testosterone levels being the culprit causing male liberalism and thus should purchase their little blue pills as a cure so, yeah, from a business standpoint this type of “journalism” works fine, but only as long as one knows they’re watching an infomercial, not news.

But not only is testosterone-driven Tucker promoting recruitment strategies for white supremacy and other far-right extremists, he’s doing it for already highly insecure young and older men on national TV, and that’s where such nonsense becomes dangerous.

I somehow envision Tucker saying, “I am a strong and tough real man, by golly, and can handle whatever this world throws at me!”

Yet he’s saying it all to a mirror.

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