Carnes: Predictions worth remembering
Richard Carnes Follow
Throughout 2024, the world as we know it will change forever, the resulting paradigm shift so drastic future historians will spend entire careers debating its lasting impact on mankind.
Burdened with such foresightful knowledge, I therefore “guarantee” the following will occur:
The Florida hotel owner and former reality TV host now known as “VICTIM” (Vindictive Immature Child Teasing Indictment Martyrdom) will say, “It’s not fair!” multiple times up to the point people will finally stop listening.
Nikki Haley will be asked if the Earth is flat and after being told in her earpiece that some MAGA voters believe it to be true will respond, “Well, it depends upon your definition of ‘is’…”
She’ll follow it up with an explanation of Jews causing World War II.
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VICTIM will continue refusing to debate, run on his record or take any questions claiming, “It’s not fair!” about having to earn votes.
After abandoning her restaurant, husband, morals and the 3rd District of Colorado, Lauren Boebert will abandon the entire state and settle in an Idaho handy prepper compound to focus her efforts on “owning the libs.”
Instead of helping her, the Colorado GOP will focus on Weld County forming their own state and protesting gay pride events.
VICTIM will claim immunity from prosecution while he was pretending to be president, at which point Biden will run him over in his ‘vette in the middle of 5th Avenue, laughing all the way while shouting, “I have immunity too!”
Russia, Hamas and most flavors of Islam will vow revenge for crises they themselves created and cult members (of both the political and religious persuasion) will blindly follow their leader in spite of a complete lack of evidence for whatever it is they’re selling.
An elected Republican will be arrested for committing the exact type of crime that he (or she) has railed against their entire career. So will a Democrat.
A volcano will erupt, a hurricane will slam a populated area, a tornado will toss a few hundred mobile homes, and Republicans will blame Biden while Democrats will blame climate change.
VICTIM will blame windmills, Jack Smith and illegal immigrants.
Ever Vail will remain on the VR drawing board, shoppers parking in Avon will begin parking and shopping elsewhere, and the town of Vail’s extra speed bumps will be installed in the Avon City Market parking lot to make it even more inconvenient.
Or perhaps they would work at the Stonebridge egress onto Highway 6.
Since VICTIM ignores the 14th Amendment to run again, “some are saying” Obama will ignore the 22nd Amendment and do the same.
Legislature governing the proper use of a vagina and personal freedoms will be proposed by a male member of Congress (come on, of course it will be a guy), and he will be 100% oblivious to the irony.
Financial markets and unemployment will fluctuate, Democrats will take credit, and Republicans will claim the numbers were created by manipulating quantum entanglement in the space-time continuum found in Hunter Biden’s laptop.
VICTIM will say something that makes the Republican base cringe (but not vocally) and repeatedly claim all cases against him are unfair and he is a (drum roll please) victim.
And finally, astute readers will re-read my opening sentence and then say to themselves, “Or not.”
And they will be correct.
Happy 2024 Happy Valley.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.
