See how they run
VAIL – Joanie Fagan has no qualms admitting her stature as a Stepford wife.The quintessential wholesome ’50s housewife, she’s very bonde, very perky and very upbeat. Never without an apron, Joanie considers baking and arts and crafts a requirement. She married her corporate-minded husband in a large ceremony adorned with all the bells and whistles. She scoffs at anything less than private when it comes to providing her only child with an education. Freespirited and freewheelin’, dirty blonde Helen Keaney is the sassy, hottie mom. She got married in Vegas by an Elvis-impersonating priest – to a felon. She’s the type that would ride off on the back of a Harley. That’s if her husband wasn’t confined to the house via his ankle bracelet, which she considers a blessing. “He’ll never cheat,” she said.Maryellen Hooper is the peaced-out, vegetarian, earth mom. She got married at the ocean to an artist. A little spacy, the strawberry blonde is Lucy and Mother nature all rolled into one.What do they all have in common? They all put other people before themselves – they’re moms – and they’re blonde.”Everybody can either relate to one of us, is one of us or is annoyed by one of us,” Fagan said. The 3 Blonde Moms got together three years ago and decided nothing was funnier than their everyday lives, so why not do stand-up?”We’re really desperate housewives. We’re sexless in the suburbs,” Fagan said chuckling from her home in Los Angeles. “You are able to function exhausted. I didn’t realize how little sleep I needed to perform in life. You’re gross factor lowers when you have diapers and colds and sneeezing and food throwing. What used to be gross to me is not even on the radar. And it’s not just the weather anymore, it’s like what about that poop? When you become a mom, you enter into a secret society.”
In fact, they never have a problem coming up with new material. In many cases, it gives a whole new meaning to moments in life they might not have found the humor in before.At a recent playdate with her 5-year-old daughter, Grace, Fagan found herself in hysterics when the girls started playing with magnifying glasses.”Grace walked up behind me and she said, ‘Mom, your butt is huge!’ A normal person would be mortified beyond belief,” Fagan said. “But I just thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.”The moms even take inspiration from other moms’ lives.”I had a friend who was breast feeding with implants. She went to change her daughter’s diaper and little plastic balls were coming out,” she said. “She thought the implants were coming out through the diaper. Well, if you overwet a diaper, little plastic balls come out. It was midnight, and she didn’t know who to call. She was freaking out. It is one panic attack after another.”Fagan said motherhood today is a rainbow of responsibiities. The role has changed from generations past mainly because now mothers are balancing their careers, along with their kids and husbands. Accordingly, the trio talks about everything from their husbands “but we never bash them,” Fagan said, to just trying to look good.”You take shortucuts to beauty when you don’t have time,” Fagan said. “One time I used white out on my roots, real quick,” Fagan said. “I thought it would work .Anyway, it started raining, and I had a white streak running down my face. I looked like a golf mime.”When moms hear their stories, they know they’re not alone. The response from moms across the country has been overwhelming, Fagan said. Stories have been pouring out of the suburbs. “We are everything for everyone all the time, but it’s really, really important that we take time for oursleves,” she said. “Going to the show is like refueling so you can start all over again the next day. You’ve got to have balance. It makes you a better friend, a better wife, a better sister and a better mom.”
===========At a glance:Family ties3 Blonde MomsMusic by The Hazel Miller Band6-10 p.m. Wednesday
Ford Ampitheater in VailCost is $20 for lawn seating and $25 for pavilion seatingFor tickets, contact the Ford box office, Vail Child Care, Miller Ranch Child Care, or call 476-1615For the childrenBy Laura A. BallArts and Entertainment WriterVAIL – The 3 Blonde Moms stand-up comedy show at the Ford Amphitheater will benefit the Eagle County Child Care Association, which seeks to provide quality and affordable daycare in the Vail Valley. “We wanted to do something different. There are a lot of golf tournaments in the summer and not everybody plays golf,” said ECCCA board member Stacey Klein.
Klein, a mother of two boys, 2 and 5, said she hopes the event will raise $20,000 to help open a third daycare center downvalley. They currently serve more than 100 children in the valley, ages 8 weeks to 6 years, at their facilities in West Vail and Edwards.When Klein was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time last year, 3 Blonde Mom comedian Maryellen Hooper made an appearance with her own comedy routine at a fundraiser held for Klein to help with the cost of surgery. When Hooper heard Klein was raising funds this year for the ECCCA, she immediately jumped on board. The 3 Blonde Moms say that before their careers comes motherhood, and motherhood after all is about the kids.”I think we’re obligated naturally to help other people and so the show naturally is inlicned to being a service and helping other people. I feel like it’s really important plant a little love and help wherever we can moms of the world,” said Joanie Fagan of 3 Blonde Moms.===========Staff Writer Laura A. Ball can be reached 748-2939 or email@example.com.Vail, Colorado