The 500 greatest albums of my time
My latest pitfall into the cruel world of American consumerism: the purchase of a big, thick red issue of Rolling Stone Magazine.Since I’m generally disenchanted by touched-up cover photos of nubile blonde Disney-rockers in ripped panties, the clever corporate thugs in Rolling Stone’s brand-management department sucked me in with simple, bright gold lettering and the promise of brilliant musical insights into the top 500 albums of all time.At the ripe old age of 28, you’d think I would have learned to avoid setting myself up for disappointment. But my over-the-counter, 2 a.m. purchase of the music world’s latest marketing scam is evidence to the contrary same goes for the bag of fluorescent-green Doritos that somehow made it onto the same receipt.One half-hour and an empty bag of chips later I was cursing the New York con artists/publishers who pulled me into this list-crazed gag. Ever since Rolling Stone decided to go the way of every other successful modern-day magazine (read: stopped writing articles and filled the rag with pictures, one-liners, advertisements, lists, and more advertisements), they’ve apparently ceased to care about content figuring their boorish readers wont make it past word 207.Anyway, I certainly didn’t.Anybody with good sense has to understand that there’s only one album that would actually be placed at No. 1, and so there’s no surprise there: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band the most innovative yet listenable album of all time, but still not the Beatles’ best. For that you have to go with Abbey Road the only rock ‘n roll album that can stand on the shelf next to Beethoven’s Ninth.Still, there’s something like 10 Beatles albums in the top 20 (OK, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much). Scanning through the list it becomes pretty apparent that only one guy was hired on to make the list, and he must be British, white, over 50 years old and trapped inside a hooka-induced time-warp.And the Beach Boys at No.2?Sounds like a ploy to knock out the Rolling Stones who are on another kind of list in the music industry right now for making an exclusive deal to sell their new videography only at Best Buy.Because everyone knows it’s Beatles, then Stones, then the rest of the people who are featured in VH1’s Behind the Music. On any other list, the Beach Boys are down there somewhere behind the P-Funk All-stars and ahead of Queen and Rush.So lets get a few things straight: here are the real top 10 best albums of all time (and BTW, greatest hits, live albums and compilations aren’t candidates, ’cause that’s like cheating.)1. The Beatles: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band2. Paul Simon: Graceland3. The Rolling Stones: Sticky Fingers4. The Red Hot Chili Peppers: Blood Sugar Sex Magic5. The Doors: Waiting for the Sun6. Miles Davis: A Kind of Blue7. Bob Marley: Exodus8. Pink Floyd: The Wall9. Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense10. The Clash: London CallingSend your list to firstname.lastname@example.org or call (970) 390-1585.