Opinion | Norton: The most underrated skill in coaching

I’ve spent much of my life around coaches.

Some coached athletes. Some coached salespeople. Some coached leaders. Some coached business owners. Some coached teams trying to win championships, while others coached individuals simply trying to become a little better than they were yesterday.

Over the years, I’ve noticed something interesting. The coaches who made the greatest impact weren’t always the smartest. They weren’t always the most experienced. They weren’t always the most technically proficient. But they were almost always exceptional listeners.

In a world filled with people waiting for their turn to speak, great coaches listen. Really listen. Not just to the words being spoken, but to the emotions behind those words. Not just to what is being said, but often to what is not being said.

Active listening may be the most underrated skill in coaching, leadership, parenting, teaching and human relationships.

Support Local Journalism

Donate

Think about the people who have had the greatest influence on your life. Chances are, they made you feel heard. They made you feel understood. They made you feel like your thoughts, concerns and dreams mattered.

That doesn’t happen accidentally. It happens because someone chose curiosity over assumption. Whether you’re coaching a 10-year-old athlete, a college student, a salesperson, a manager or an executive, listening creates trust. And trust creates influence.

Many coaches believe their primary responsibility is to provide answers. While expertise certainly matters, I’ve found that growth often begins with better questions.

“What do you think happened?”

“What are you seeing?”

“How are you feeling about that?”

“What would you do differently next time?”

Questions like these do more than gather information. They help people think. They encourage ownership. They build confidence and self-awareness.

The truth is that most people already know more about their challenges than we realize. What they often need is someone willing to listen long enough to help them discover the answer for themselves.

Active listening also helps us identify problems before they become crises. A young athlete may be struggling with confidence. A salesperson may be battling discouragement. A new manager may feel overwhelmed. A student may be dealing with pressure no one else sees.

The clues are usually there. The question is whether we’re paying attention. The best coaches don’t just listen for information. They listen for understanding. One of the greatest gifts we can give another person is our full attention. Not while checking our phone. Not while mentally preparing our response. Not while thinking about the next meeting on our calendar.

Just attention.

In today’s distracted world, that gift has become increasingly rare. And increasingly valuable.

I’ve also learned that listening communicates something powerful: respect. When people feel heard, they feel valued. When they feel valued, they become more engaged. When they become more engaged, they become more coachable. And when people become more coachable, growth accelerates.

The irony is that listening often accomplishes more than speaking. A coach who listens develops stronger relationships. A leader who listens builds stronger teams. A parent who listens creates deeper connections. A friend who listens earns greater trust. And a professional who listens better understands the needs of those they serve.

The older I get, the more convinced I become that success in almost every area of life depends less on having all the answers and more on asking better questions and listening carefully to the responses.

Perhaps that’s why the best coaches are remembered long after the lessons themselves are forgotten. People may not remember every piece of advice you gave. They may not remember every strategy you taught. But they will remember how you made them feel.

And more often than not, they felt that way because someone cared enough to listen.

There is a famous quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt and later adapted by Zig Ziglar that states, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

How are your active listening skills these days? With all the noise and information overload, it might just be a good time to tune in more to those who matter most. I would love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com and when we can learn to give others our full attention, it really will be a better-than-good life.

Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.