Opinion | Norton: Trust is built in the everyday moments
Michael Norton
Have you ever looked at your ringing phone, seen an unfamiliar number and immediately assumed someone wanted to sell you something, steal something or extend the warranty on a car you no longer own?
We’ve become pretty good at being skeptical. Sometimes for good reason.
But when skepticism becomes our default setting, it can follow us into relationships that deserve something better. We question motives, anticipate disappointment and keep our guard up. Before long, protecting ourselves can leave us feeling disconnected from the very people we need.
Trust matters in our marriages, families, friendships, workplaces and communities. And while we might wish it happened automatically, trust develops through what we say, what we do and how consistently those two things match.
Think of it as four connected responsibilities: initiating, earning, building and maintaining trust.
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We initiate trust by creating room for it. We show up with respect, curiosity and a willingness to listen. We put down the phone. We ask a thoughtful question and stay interested long enough to hear the answer.
We also create clarity. What do we need from one another? What can we reasonably expect? Sometimes a simple question changes the entire conversation: “Would you like me to help you think through this, or do you just need me to listen?”
Those of us who enjoy fixing everything might want to write that one down. Preferably, before offering our brilliant solution.
We earn trust by seeking to understand. Someone tells us they’re frustrated, worried or disappointed. We can rush to explain why they shouldn’t feel that way, or we can ask what’s behind it.
“What has been hardest for you?” “What am I missing?”
Understanding doesn’t require agreement. We can see things differently and still treat someone’s experience with care. When people discover they can tell us something difficult without being dismissed, corrected, or turned into tomorrow’s gossip, they have a reason to trust us.
We build trust by turning understanding into action. Good intentions matter. Follow-through gives them credibility.
If we promise to call, we call. If we commit to helping, we help. If we cannot do what someone asks, we say so honestly instead of offering a convenient yes that becomes an inconvenient disappointment.
We also respect boundaries. Trust grows when people can speak honestly, including saying no, without fearing punishment.
Imagine a neighbor offers to water your plants while you’re away. The offer opens the door to trust. Asking which plants need attention shows care. Keeping them alive builds confidence. Discovering that your prized fern has become a crispy centerpiece may require a different conversation.
The point is simple: people learn whether they can trust us by experiencing what happens after we make a promise.
We maintain trust by continuing to care. Familiarity can make us careless. We assume our spouse knows we appreciate them, our friends understand our silence, or our coworkers will overlook another missed commitment.
Trust needs attention even when a relationship feels secure. And when we get something wrong, maintaining trust means owning it. “I made a mistake. I understand how it affected you. Here is what I will do to make it right.”
An apology starts the repair. Changed behavior gives the other person a reason to believe it. Rebuilding may take time, and we don’t get to dictate someone else’s timetable.
We cannot control how trustworthy everyone else will be. We can decide what others experience when they interact with us.
Who in your life needs your attention, your honesty, or your follow-through today? Is there a promise to keep, a conversation to have, or an apology overdue? I would love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com and when we recognize that in a world where so many people are bracing for disappointment, giving someone a reason to trust again is a meaningful gift. And we deliver it one everyday moment at a time, and in turn making it a better-than-good life.
Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.
